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I expected a pious post from Drone and wasn’t disappointed.
I, unlike Drone, know Kotkijet from old and know what he’s capable of. Last post on this thread from me.
Just go for the straggler in the herd, Kotki, and you’re nailed on.
Obviously, I myself only rattle top crumpet (aka Mrs Grass), but given your precarious mental disposition, I think you should stick to boilers for the time being.
This is a scurrilous but hilarious thread, and who’d a thunk given its theme. Also, equally bizarrely in the circs, wise advice. Thanks for the key to the code you speak in Grassy. I was wondering where heating engineering came in.
Kokijet, you know when I was at school, I was told they was the best days of your life and, arguably, they were, although I was very fortunate to hitch up with my wife. But I seem to have been a manic depressive a lot of the time: either very depressed or absolutely euphoric and buzzing.
Now, I’m seldom ‘down’, never mind depressed, and on the face of it my life has been one of almost unremitting failure. Aimed low and didn’t reach targets. When I was young some of the happiest times of my life were alcohol-induced, but now drink just makes me miserable. It’s supposed to be a depressant, isn’t it?
I think reason is I’m not highly-strung now, and though I had a small heart-attack and triple-bypass op some years ago (8 maybe?), it turns out I now have slightly low blood-pressure, which seems to surprise the medical people. If, as they say, it’s a feature of top athletes, all I can say is, they’re going to have to re-write the medical books.
It’s since I became a Christian ‘religious nut’, in vulgar parlance(!) that I take one minute at a time, never mind, one day, and my mood is seldom anything but cheerful. Getting religion, a hot-line to God, doesn’t always grip people at the same time in their lives, of course, and some get ‘past the pearly gates’ (Matthew 25), seemingly, simply by the practical compassion they show towards others who are ‘under the cosh’, to borrow from racing’s wealth of metaphors.
But I don’t want to downplay the benefit and wisdom of ‘going straight to the top’, and not leaving till God or the Wheel, as my step-father used to call him, speaks to you – and inspires you to turn your life around. Hope is the key. If you have hope, you have everything. Without it, nowt.
Good luck and hope things look brighter for you and your Ma, soon.
Kotkijet, we’ve never spoken, but you might find these points useful.
1) The very fact you are talking about it means you are unlikely to do it which is excellent news. They say suicide is an essentially selfish action whose opposite reaction is only experienced by those close. If you have someone who cares, (your Mother), then well done for keeping this in mind.. You’ll be transferring the burden of pain elsewhere.
2) Find a site on the Net more suited to talking about it. I wouldn’t trust three quarters of a horse racing site with my laundry list. Gambling is a brutal game for brutal people even on the happy-clappy racing fora. I used to know a few suitable sites and if you’re interested, I can find out some addresses and pass them on.
3) Writing about it helps tremendously – it keeps the mental chaos on the outside and the Internet is ideal. Someone will read your stuff. Strangers often have more patience than your friends. And you’ll be surprised at how many people care to listen.
4) When you recover, which you will, you will be unable to look at what you wrote. That’s a benchmark you should be aiming for.
5) You sound like you’re over the worst. That’s good news.
6) If it’s a woman who’s caused all this, then think about it further. You wouldn’t be the first and you won’t be the last. If only blokes could connect like they do, instead of beating the [expletive] out of each other, then incidents like this can be dealt with a lot better. A friend of mine’s just been done for £170,000 – with no kids. No-one saw it coming, not least him. He’s gutted and I’m working with him. I know another fellow who harmed himself after a break up. I saw his ex a week later with a purple cocktail and a beaming smile. They can be psychopathic in their dealings with men and if you’re the sensitive type, you’re just meat and drink for a certain type of woman. Don’t give her the satisfaction of your pain and work through it.
7) Take each day at a time. And remember – time is a great healer, which makes suicide the equivalent of laying off a certain winner way too early..
I’ve some solid experience of this from various angles. Hope you’re ok.
Max
‘Gambling is a brutal game for brutal people…’
I know it’s meant seriously, Maxilon, but the brutality of that, right out of the blue, creased me up!!! It makes a wonderfully pithy epigram.It’s since I became a Christian ‘religious nut’, in vulgar parlance(!) that I take one minute at a time, never mind, one day, and my mood is seldom anything but cheerful. Getting religion, a hot-line to God, doesn’t always grip people at the same time in their lives, of course, and some get ‘past the pearly gates’ (Matthew 25), seemingly, simply by the practical compassion they show towards others who are ‘under the cosh’, to borrow from racing’s wealth of metaphors.
But I don’t want to downplay the benefit and wisdom of ‘going straight to the top’, and not leaving till God or the Wheel, as my step-father used to call him, speaks to you – and inspires you to turn your life around. Hope is the key. If you have hope, you have everything. Without it, nowt.
Good luck and hope things look brighter for you and your Ma, soon.
Those at their lowest are vulnerable to faith healers. Wanting to believe anything that might make things better. "Religious nuts" know this and are programmed to spot potential converts.
I agree, people in vulnerable positions should be given "hope" and "compassion", logical ways to get through difficult periods in their life. Those showing that compassion should not be thinking "what’s in it for me/my family (of christians or any other reigeous or non-religeous group).
You too can have "a hot-line to God".
You too can have "the benefit and wisdom of ‘going straight to the top’".You too can be a chosen one.
You too can be better than the rest.All you need to do is find God.
Value Is EverythingThis thread was a follow up on one that had been pulled where Kotkijet asked about the best way to top oneself. Of course when one is in the depths of despair and feeling suicidal the best thing to do would be to log in to TRF and have some matey banter with the boys about it
Don’t worry Grimes, Mr P will bump it up for you again in 2019.
Charles Darwin to conquer the World
This thread was a follow up on one that had been pulled where Kotkijet asked about the best way to top oneself. Of course when one is in the depths of despair and feeling suicidal the best thing to do would be to log in to TRF and have some matey banter with the boys about it
I am skeptical whether K/BH was "suicidal" too Mr P. But as long as there is a possibility he is genuine – you should not be so aggressive towards him.
I can understand if someone suicidal may want to talk/confide to people he/she has some connection with.
Value Is EverythingThis thread was a follow up on one that had been pulled where Kotkijet asked about the best way to top oneself. Of course when one is in the depths of despair and feeling suicidal the best thing to do would be to log in to TRF and have some matey banter with the boys about it
I am skeptical whether K/BH was "suicidal" too Mr P. But as long as there is a possibility he is genuine – you should not be so aggressive towards him.
I can understand if someone suicidal may want to talk/confide to people he/she has some connection with.
Not sure why you have recently decided to advise me what I should post, but it’s very weird!
And my above post was not aggressive.
This thread was a follow up on one that had been pulled where Kotkijet asked about the best way to top oneself. Of course when one is in the depths of despair and feeling suicidal the best thing to do would be to log in to TRF and have some matey banter with the boys about it
I am skeptical whether K/BH was "suicidal" too Mr P. But as long as there is a possibility he is genuine – you should not be so aggressive towards him.
I can understand if someone suicidal may want to talk/confide to people he/she has some connection with.
Not sure why you have recently decided to advise me what I should post, but it’s very weird!
And my above post was not aggressive.
Your "above post" was not aggressive Mr P, but some of your posts on this thread imo have been.
Normally I would not be giving "advice" to anyone what they should or should not post. But when we’re writing on a thread about suicide I do believe we should all be careful how we criticise.
Value Is EverythingGinge, of course some of my comments on here have been aggressive and I’m not going to go over the reason for this again and again.Anyway, it’s still there for all the world to see.
A forum needs to be properly moderated to stop things turning into a slanging match.Even on betfair one can get a dodgy comment or even a whole thread, like lake’s deranged thread not so long ago,deleted, but anything seems to go on here nowadays, sadly.
I’ve been on other sites Mr P, where moderators take sides believing they’re God. Think it is much better with Matron and Cormack allowing threads to run their course and for members to sort it out between themselves. Only stepping in when absolutely necessary. Usually (as imo this case) there is nobody in the complete right or complete wrong anyway.
I’ve had my run-ins with BH myself, the one thing he can’t stand is being ignored. So why not try that?
Value Is Everythingike lake’s deranged thread not so long ago,deleted, but anything seems to go on here nowadays, sadl
Poor Pilsen , he feels so hard done by
get a grip man ….your sort of ok at times ……
Now how about some quality posts Pilsen and lets put this sorry episode way behind…..
I’ve probably mentioned this before but my daughter knew someone with a personality disorder and he was always threatening suicide. I spoke to a Dr that I worked for at the time about it and he said that people who threaten suicide never do it. The last we heard of him was that he was dead. Always took what that Dr said with a pinch of salt after that. And tread very carefully with people that seem to be living on the brink.
GT, get over yourself. Whether knowingly or not, you’ve provided so much misinformation and misdirection on this thread regarding yours truly that I can’t even be bothered to start. Starve me of all the attention you want. I honestly won’t notice.
Just go for the straggler in the herd, Kotki, and you’re nailed on.
Obviously, I myself only rattle top crumpet (aka Mrs Grass), but given your precarious mental disposition, I think you should stick to boilers for the time being.
This is a scurrilous but hilarious thread, and who’d a thunk given its theme. Also, equally bizarrely in the circs, wise advice. Thanks for the key to the code you speak in Grassy. I was wondering where heating engineering came in.
Kokijet, you know when I was at school, I was told they was the best days of your life and, arguably, they were, although I was very fortunate to hitch up with my wife. But I seem to have been a manic depressive a lot of the time: either very depressed or absolutely euphoric and buzzing.
Now, I’m seldom ‘down’, never mind depressed, and on the face of it my life has been one of almost unremitting failure. Aimed low and didn’t reach targets. When I was young some of the happiest times of my life were alcohol-induced, but now drink just makes me miserable. It’s supposed to be a depressant, isn’t it?
I think reason is I’m not highly-strung now, and though I had a small heart-attack and triple-bypass op some years ago (8 maybe?), it turns out I now have slightly low blood-pressure, which seems to surprise the medical people. If, as they say, it’s a feature of top athletes, all I can say is, they’re going to have to re-write the medical books.
It’s since I became a Christian ‘religious nut’, in vulgar parlance(!) that I take one minute at a time, never mind, one day, and my mood is seldom anything but cheerful. Getting religion, a hot-line to God, doesn’t always grip people at the same time in their lives, of course, and some get ‘past the pearly gates’ (Matthew 25), seemingly, simply by the practical compassion they show towards others who are ‘under the cosh’, to borrow from racing’s wealth of metaphors.
But I don’t want to downplay the benefit and wisdom of ‘going straight to the top’, and not leaving till God or the Wheel, as my step-father used to call him, speaks to you – and inspires you to turn your life around. Hope is the key. If you have hope, you have everything. Without it, nowt.
Good luck and hope things look brighter for you and your Ma, soon.
Hi Grimes
Whilst it is true that this thread has been in hibernation for a few years, I did start this thread under my previous guise as Kotkijet. Please don’t at all feel silly for making your post as I enjoyed reading it immensely.
I’m not a man of god and I heavily doubt that that I ever will be. I personally believe that the questions of god, the metaphysical and highest whims of nature and the universe are too far beyond my breadth of understanding that I can never consciously put myself in any particular camp which in turn, leaves me incapable of holding any discernible faith. In a nutshell, I’m immovably agnostic but not fiercely so as I do hold a deal of respect for those who have it and I do not subscribe to the theory that a personal faith is harmful whilst it helps an individual. Indeed, my girlfriend is Muslim whilst my best friend is Christian so I can’t help but be tolerant of their belief systems.
To be clear, I have not been suicidal now for around four an a half years. My own issues with suicide are not things I care to dwell upon too much – particularly when I’ve not been having a great time of things (I’m back on the ADs for the time being) – which is why I was upset when this aspect of my past was dragged up out of malice. Interestingly, whilst this thread was more based on my toying with the idea of suicide, it was between July 2009 and around Spring 2010 when I was making active attempts. Ironically, it was the advice of Grasshopper that started the process as one of the "boilers" wound up having a devastating effect on my career, my family life and my general sanity. Indeed, if there is a hell, she would have been born there. But I’m over that now. I’ve forgiven her in the sense that she no longer exists to me and I’ve been able to get on with my life.
So whilst hitting the booze, drugs and "boilers" helped during my 2007 ponderances, they had quite the opposite effect during my 2009 struggle. Every time I’d go on a several day Bacchanalian excursion or stick a part of myself into another person (these activities typically went hand in hand), I’d found myself burrowing deeper and deeper into my own personal hell.
However, I agree with you 100% on the incalculable value of hope. I was in some fuggy haze one night whilst Liverpool were on the telly in the Champions League. It was before the game and the Liverpool fans were singing YNWA. When it got to the "with hope in your heart", tears immediately began flooding down my faced and I collapsed into a bawling heap. During my fight (with myself mostly), hope had been a glaring omission from my arsenal. Oddly enough, I’d been utterly low for months yet I didn’t shed a single tear – I’m not the crying type. But on that night, it occurred to me that even if there was absolutely nothing else (which I honestly believed was the case at the time), there is always, always hope.
Emerging from a prolonged period of suicidal ideation and a couple of stints of being locked up has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life and probably will be. It took a great, often taxing deal of effort to pull myself through the darkest days and I always made sure I was occupied be it reading, writing, travelling, seeing people, building, even spending time alone in the wilderness. But "hope" was always at the forefront of the struggle.
I look back on those days as perhaps something that has made me stronger. Since 2009, I’ve lost a few pets including my beloved retired greyhound Bill, I’ve lost a nephew, I’ve broken up after a nine month relationship, I’ve lost my Granddad and I’ve had several other instances of "harsh fate" that I won’t get into here. But none of that has gotten the better of me. None of that has beaten me. A lot of it has hurt and even when nothing happens, I can still act out or teeter near a danger zone and in the future, I will time and time again (because I’ve accepted that I do suffer from depression that can pop up with or without any trigger or warning). But I’m always determined to keep a firm grip on the towel instead of throwing it in (a crap metaphor I know).
So yeah, thanks Grimes and to all the positive and mindful posters on here.
I think that’s me finished with this thread.
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