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Zome

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  • #3936
    zome
    Member
    • Total Posts 232

    During a recent conversation with me ol’ pal zoz, i have decided i am making myself agony aunt of the racing forum.  It’s like Trisha, only, it’s called ‘ZOME’ funnily enough.  Please post yr problems below.  :cool:

    #90700
    Zoz
    Member
    • Total Posts 703

    Hahahahaha

    <br>Ok. I’ll start off.

    <br>Hi Zome<br>*sits in uncomfortable but stylish blue seat under harsh stage lighting*

    My left foot hurts and I think John McCririck might have moved in next door. Are these things connected in any way, and what can I do about them?

    #90701
    zome
    Member
    • Total Posts 232

    Dear Zoz,<br>Oh deary me.  What a pickle.  McCrirrick is often linked with many misfortunes, although i think your troubles may have started after the fear that was enduced by the prospect of a contestant getting locked in a zone on the crystal maze, and an inner fear that they will never get out, or find a crystal. So, your foot is infact fine, but dwelling on the prospect of being stuck on set with Richard O’brien for …well, ever, which is causing your foot great pain. Try eating twenty mint imperials and a plate of chips.  Or make ninja noises.  I find this helps.

    #90702
    Zoz
    Member
    • Total Posts 703

    Is it possible that Rochard O’Brien, cool dude as he is, is related to Aidan O’Brien and because of my interest in racing and McCririck’s moving in, this tenuous connection is increasing the pain?

    #90703
    zome
    Member
    • Total Posts 232

    I don’t know what you just said.  Did you make ninja noises yet?

    #90704
    Zoz
    Member
    • Total Posts 703

    Yes. They scared the cat. Can’t you get me a light sabre instead? Then I could use it on Mac and cut my foot off in a neat, snazzy, singed kind of way so I don’t bleed to death?

    #90705
    robertylea
    Member
    • Total Posts 30

    Dear Zome

    I appear to have developed an inexplicable crush on Paul Nicholls.  Can you help me?

    Thanks

    Yours helplessly

    Elaine

    #90706
    barry dennis
    Member
    • Total Posts 398

    Dear Zome,

    I sometimes spend hours trying to post something of interest,  It is immediately trashed as rubbish by another forumite who knows everything about anything,

    I have lost my self confidence, feeling depressed, totally insecure and unsure of my future,

    yours in desperation  barry dennis

    NO TAX OR COMMISSION<br>ON-COURSE BOOKMAKER

    #90707
    zome
    Member
    • Total Posts 232

    Dear Zoz,<br>HEY! Who’s the problem solver here?!  Keep on truckin’ with the ninja noises.<br>Zome.

    <br>Dear robertylea (Elaine),<br>I’m sorry to say, it sounds like you are beyond help.  If this infatuation with Mr Nicholls continues, then take a swift trip to specsavers.<br>Zome.<br>P.S We are talking about the double chin Nicholls and not the one who used to play mad Joe in Eastenders right?!

    Dear Ian,<br>You should embrace this visitor, and welcome her back over and over again like a cheating, hot wife.  She obviously thinks highly of the forumites to keep on trucking back and forth.  And i’m sure she has a particular soft spot for yourself.  :cool: <br>Zome.

    Dear Barry.<br>Mr Dennis, amongst the barrels of good ale, theres always a few corked bottles of 1.99 tescos value p|ss. Don’t let this spoil your drunken binge amongst the racing world!  Go forth!  <br>Zome.

    #90708
    robertylea
    Member
    • Total Posts 30

    Yep, it is that Paul Nicholls and not Mad Joe. :o

    *hangs head in shame*

    :biggrin:

    #90709
    graysonscolumn
    Participant
    • Total Posts 6939

    Dear Zome,

    I have a terrible affliction which is getting worse with age and has not been cured by a move out of the Somerset area as I hoped it would be.

    I have always thought of myself as a kind, sentient animal lover, yet every time I sit on a horse nowadays, I struggle to fight these unstoppable, all-consuming urges to thrash the life out the poor brute as it stands underneath me. It has almost become a automatic, trip-switch kind of affliction – the moment I sit on his back, the right arm jerks violently into life and begins to rain down blows as if possessed by an axe murderer. It is most disturbing.

    I have hitherto been able to keep this condition out of the public eye largely through the company I used to keep, and had presumed that a move to a new location and a fresh start in life would eradicate the problem altogether, but has only served to exacerbate it. It can only be a matter of time before somebody notices it and reports it further, with grave consequences.

    I short, I need saving from myself. Can you please help me?

    Best wishes,

    AP McCoy,<br>Jackdaws Castle,<br>Gloucestershire<br>

    (Edited by graysonscolumn at 11:39 pm on Mar. 21, 2005)

    The patron saint of lower-grade fare. A gently critical friend of point-to-pointing. Kindness is a political act.

    #90710
    Scottish Jamie
    Participant
    • Total Posts 123

    Dear Zome,

    Earlier today I ran over a baby badger and am overcome with guilt and remorse. I just don’t know how best to cook and serve it up. Should it be stuffed and served with a bread sauce ? What vegetables would you suggest to complement the poor thing ?

    Hope you can help

    Yours mouthwateringly

    Jamie

    #90711
    zome
    Member
    • Total Posts 232

    Dear AP,<br>Ahh Tony, i’ve always worried about you.  Your move from Somerset, was frankly, a bad decision.  The season your current employer is having can’t have helped your vicious attacks on your mounts rear ends.  Maybe you could start riding like Carl Llywellyn, or possibly not carry a whip at all.  Maybe take a leaf from Paul Carberry’s book, and not move a muscle untill 3 cms before the line.  This could keep you out of trouble, but then again, it would probably get you into more trouble.  Sorry i’m not much help. Ask Gee Armytage.  She’ll know what to do.  Plus she’s hot.<br>Zome.

    <br>Dear Scottish Jamie,<br>Baby Badgers are a rare delicacy.  Try roasting with sprigs of rosemary and lemon grass, and serve it up with deep fried mars bars tossed with a nettle salad.  Remember to sell the fur to a fashion label.  Finally, don’t blame me if you get TB.<br>Zome.

    #90712
    Zoz
    Member
    • Total Posts 703

    Dear Zome,

    I’m at college and this computer’s bloody uselessly slow.

    What’s that about then? And will kicking it help?

    And has anyone outbid me for that bloody plectrum yet?

    I await your answers to life’s little issues.

    #90713
    zome
    Member
    • Total Posts 232

    ZOOOOZ!:biggrin:  

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