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Ireland’s worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.<br> Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the night.
A man was tragically killed today, when a double decker bus hit his finger.
Police, when asked how a man could die from a bus hitting his finger, replied…..
He was picking his nose at the time.
A local man took his Rottweiler to the vet this morning, due to the dog being cross-eyed. He asked the vet if there is anything he could do for him?" <br>"Well," says the vet, "let’s have a look at him" .<br>So the local vet picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I’m going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he’s cross-eyed? "
"No, because he’s really heavy".<br>
Reports from China today say that the worlds smallest horse has just been born.
The vets have named it Ti Ni Po Ni.
In the USA, surgeons have battled long into the night to save the life of a young man after a terrible road accident.
When the patient woke from a 14 hour opperation, he told the surgeon he could not feel his legs.
The surgeon replied, "that because we cut your arms off".
A man walked into a psychiatrist yesterday wearing only cling film as shorts.
The shrink said "I can clearly see your nuts".
I thought it more of a full use of my international expertise.
I must say sorry for the Gloria thing though.
Its been a while, and I forgot your name Janet.
I must say though, I think of you more of a Gloria than a Janet.
Must be your femenine side………… Glor! HaHa!
Heard that you have put on a few pounds recently, so I might change your name again to a chinese one an call you………….
Chin Tu Fat.:biggrin:
A public school teacher was arrested today at Gatwick Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a<br>set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.<br>At a morning press conference, Home Secretary John Reid said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement.<br>He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the Met Police with carrying weapons of maths instruction.<br>"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Reid said.<br>"They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute values.<br>They use secret code names like ‘x` and `y` and refer to themselves as `unknowns, `but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with co-ordinates in every country.<br>As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle".<br>When asked to comment on the arrest, Prime Minister Tony Blair, speaking from his holiday resort before the planes stopped flying, said, "If God had wanted us to have better Weapons of Maths Instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes<br>
Cheers trackside.
Just having a bit of fun.
Not many with a sence of humour here.
Got any news yourself ?
EC.
Ignore Janet. He’s very touchy about being pollitically correct. Apparently its the way forward :biggrin:
Latest news just in……………………………………………..
A scienist who cloned himself called a press confrence today, to show off his latest experiment.<br> The clone was brought into the room, and instantly started to shout and abuse the doctor.<br> The pair then started fighting in front of all the media when the scientist then grabbed the clone and threw him through a window. The clone was declared dead at the scene, after falling from 6 floors.
The police have charged the scientist with intent to commit an abusive clone fall…………………..
Give us a bit of Ochaye de news Janet.
You must have loads mate. You make me laugh with all your posts.:biggrin:
Today in Downing Street………….
Tony Blair was today, so angry after visiting his local Tesco Metro store, that he had his top lawyer instructed to "sue the pants of them"!<br> <br> He saw some bread on the shelves with what he thought was his name,advertised on the packet……..
His lawyers later confirmed that it only said "THICK CUT"………….
Latest from Australia……………
Jimmy Nail has been booked to sing crocodile shoes at Steve Irwins funeral.
Sting said he would, but it was deemed a little unappropriate…………….
London…………
A schoolteacher was cleared of any wrong doing today after reacting to what she saw written on her black board.
Miss Tikbutfit, entered her class to see the following written upon her blackboard………
<br> T.T.T. 1. A
She asked who had written it, and was answered by little Alice, who said,<br> It means, To The Teacher, One, Apple. I bought you an apple today miss.. The eacher was happy.
Next line………….
T.T.T. 1. O
Little Jonny puts his hand up and says, I wrote that miss. It means….. To The Teacher, One, Orange.
Thankyou Jonny she says.
The next line makes her shout uncontrollably at the class. It reads………..
F.U.C.K.I.T.
To which little Winston jumps up and says,it means….
From, Us, Coloured, Kids, 1 ,Tangerine..
<br> I hope you lot realise that I am working so hard to bring you this breaking news from around the world, and I am not happy with the gratitude that you lot are returning.
CNN dont go this far you know!!!!!!!!!!!!!:angry: <br>
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