The home of intelligent horse racing discussion
The home of intelligent horse racing discussion

Anyone fancy a joke?

Home Forums Lounge Anyone fancy a joke?

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 378 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #4034
    Racing Daily
    Participant
    • Total Posts 1364

    A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, is having trouble with one of her students.  

    The teacher asks, "Harry, what’s your problem?"

    Harry answers, "I’m too smart for the 1st grade ma’am. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I’m a lot smarter than she is.  I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

    Ms. Brooks thinks "you cheeky little b’stard!".  

    Ms. Brooks is well known to the whole school as being one of the more uppity teachers.

    She takes Harry to the principal’s office, sure that the principal will turn down the brat’s request immediately.

    Whilst Harry waits in the outer office, the teacher explains the situation to the principal.  

    She is of the opinion that the child is acting with far too much bravado for her liking.  She is far from impressed by the boy’s big-headed opinion of his own worth, and is determined to put him in his place.  

    The principal tells Ms. Brooks he’ll give the boy a test. If he fails to answer any of his questions he’s to go back to the 1st grade and behave.

    She agrees, smugly.

    Harry is brought in and the conditions are explained to him and he agrees to take the test.

    >Principal:  "What is 3 x 3?"<br>><br>>Harry: "9".<br>><br>>Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"<br>><br>>Harry: "36"<br>><br>>Principal: "What is 12 x 12?"<br>><br>>Harry: "144"

    … and so it goes with every question the principal thinks a 3rd grader should know.

    The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go up to the 3rd grade, personally."

    Ms. Brooks is flabbergasted!  This to her is a challenge to her authority, and she is determined that this first grader is put in his place once and for all.

    So, says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

    The principal and Harry both agree.

    >Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

    Harry is quite taken aback by the style of question and hesitates slightly.

    After a moment …

    >Harry: "Uhhh … Legs?"<br>><br>>Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants, that you have but I do not?"

    The principal is taken aback slightly, and wonders why she would ask such a question!

    >Harry replied: "Pockets."<br>><br>>Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"<br>><br>>Harry: "Pants"

    Ms. Brooks is getting slightly agitated by now, sure that she would have surely caught out this little whippersnapper with her line of interragation …

    >Ms. Brooks: What’s starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?<br>><br>>Harry: "A Coconut."

    The principal sits forward with his mouth hanging open …

    >Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

    The principal’s eyes open really wide at this point.  He is about to put a stop to this farce, when Harry interupts …

    >Harry: "Bubble gum"<br>><br>>Ms. Brooks: "What is it that a man does standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"<br>><br>>Harry: "Shake hands."

    The principal is trembling.

    >Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ and is associated with lot of heat and excitement?"<br>><br>>Harry: "Fire truck"

    The principal breathes a sigh of relief and tells the teacher, "Put Harry in the 5th grade, I got the last seven questions wrong……"

    :biggrin:

    (Edited by Racing Daily at 6:07 pm on Aug. 24, 2005)

    #93711
    lollys mate
    Member
    • Total Posts 625

    That is quality!

    Thankyou.

    #93712
    Racing Daily
    Participant
    • Total Posts 1364

    Thanks for being the only person in here with a sense of humour, mate of lolly  ;) <br>68 views and not a ‘LOL’ or LMAO’ in the house (well, one.  But that’s your nic so it doesn’t count) LOL :biggrin:

    #93713
    non vintage
    Member
    • Total Posts 1268

    have to agree with Lolly’s Mate here – top notch! hadn’t seen it until this morning, so…

    LOL! LMAO! ROTFLMBFAO! SCUBA-DIVER!

    :)

    #4047
    lollys mate
    Member
    • Total Posts 625

    A 10 year old boy was watching tv one night with his Mum and younger 8 year old brother, when, the embarassing moment of a couple having sex appears on the screen.

    At first the 10 year old goes very red and looks at his Mum, who is also embarased.

    The mum thinks for a second and feels she has to say something.

    She says, "Its okay kids, I think she’s having a heart attack".

    "Thats a shame", says the 8 year old.

    "She was just about to come"!

    (Edited by lollys mate at 7:01 pm on Sep. 19, 2005)

    #94049
    lollys mate
    Member
    • Total Posts 625

    Razzie you old bugger.

    I hat to edit it because i like me spelling to wright.

    And I fought i dun kwite good.

    And btw. The new natives dont fight me.<br> Cos I is a lover. Not a fighter.

    You should also learn to be more tollerant.

    And visit here;

    http://www.buyasenceofhumour.com

    #94050
    Racing Daily
    Participant
    • Total Posts 1364

    qualihy :biggrin:

    #94053
    Andrew Hughes
    Member
    • Total Posts 1904

    It’s the role of comedy to test  assumptions and boundaries of comfort with freedom.

    I thought the role of comedy was to make us laugh

    #94054
    cormack15
    Keymaster
    • Total Posts 8799

    Nice one LM!

    #94057
    lollys mate
    Member
    • Total Posts 625

    Razzie. You sad old bugger!

    You need to look in the mirror more. Im sure it will get you to smile, if not laugh. Cos you are so funny.

    I thought betfair was about racing and not humour. Never been to that place as I dont know anything about racing.

    I acctually "lifted" the joke from last Fridays vist to Jounglers Comedy Club in Watford. 3 hours of comedy and it was the only joke I could remember.

    Why is that?

    BTW.

    I thought the role of comedy was to make you laugh.<br> Nothing to do with comfort or freedom.

    Where do you get that old chestnut from?

    R.D. You my friend know your kwalihy.;)

    #94059
    lollys mate
    Member
    • Total Posts 625

    You edited that crap?

    #94061
    Sky
    Member
    • Total Posts 44

    Comedy is a point of perspective<br>And it certainly been hilarious for me watching razzie continually editing his posts                                                                                                        

    #94067
    Sky
    Member
    • Total Posts 44

    Dont blame it on Sky ,<br>Razzie if the populace makes you look foolish ,well so be it<br>All Sky did was laugh

    #94068
    lollys mate
    Member
    • Total Posts 625

    The best joke so far on this thread is that Razie called me a social outcast.

    LMFSO.

    (Edited by a social outcast at 7:24 on the day Razzie brought a new dictionary)

    You must have saved up for weeks/months to be able to get those new words out into a new post.

    Well done. you have excelled yourself.

    #94075
    lollys mate
    Member
    • Total Posts 625

    Razz.

    You touch nothing.

    We laugh at you.

    Cos. In my dictionary Razz means " to make fun of"

    Now thats funny!;)

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 378 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.