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Things you will NEVER see in British Horse Racing

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 69 total)
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  • #4997
    MikkyMo73
    Member
    • Total Posts 1789

    Who can come up with the funniest, but most realistic thing that will never occur in British Horse Racing;

    For example, we will never see a trainer quote in the RP that goes on the lines off’

    we have campaigned dodgy fellow at the wrong trip in order to get a great handicap mark. Today we have stepped him up in trip and he should win by half a track“. Barney Curley, Trainer.

    Or perhaps we will never see Emma Spencer on Channel 4 Racing, interviewing Seb Sanders and saying “Great win Seb, and I wish you all the luck in the world at winning the jockey’s title this year”

    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

    Any more guys,

    Mike

    #113492
    graysonscolumn
    Participant
    • Total Posts 6939

    Is this a question off of Mock The Week?

    “Due to the remaining damage to both fixtures and fittings and the racing surface itself following last summer’s floods, this year’s Cheltenham Festival will take place at Cartmel”.

    Hell, I’d go…

    gc

    The patron saint of lower-grade fare. A gently critical friend of point-to-pointing. Kindness is a political act.

    #113497
    steveh31
    Participant
    • Total Posts 1922

    The wife of a jockey interviewing him about his ride on national television, it happend last week after the ebor. :)

    Will Zoey Bird ever interview Richard Hannon

    #113499
    TheCheekster
    Member
    • Total Posts 329

    ‘Yes, we tried to rush him back and as a result he has overcompensated and broken down proper in front. This of course, happened about 2 weeks ago as you cant scan and make a decision until the initial inflammation has gone down. The horse now needs a year minimum off the track, and after that if anything else goes he would be for the bullet. Then there would be no extra cash from nominations at all.’

    #113514
    Himself
    Participant
    • Total Posts 3772

    Clive Brittain say: " Actually, this filly isn’t any good at all and has absolutely no chance of winning a seller, let alone a group race. " :lol:

    Clare Balding to Willie Carson: " Willie, you are the most eloquent man I have ever met and I apoligise for being such a stuck up, patronising cow – and for looking down my nose at you all these years." :P

    Frankie Dettori: " I’m only a very average jockey who tries to shun all publicity." :oops: :shock:

    Gambling Only Pays When You're Winning

    #113516
    paulostermeyer
    Participant
    • Total Posts 4613

    Matt Chapman saying "I don’t have an opinion on that"

    Or Matt Chapman saying, "The Dazzler is only an average jock"

    Or Tommo going through an afternoons commentating without saying "OK" less than 20 times.

    Big Mac saying "I was wrong"

    Simon Holt sounding interested when commentating on a novice chase at a gaff track.

    #113520
    AndyRAC
    Participant
    • Total Posts 318

    Is this a question off of Mock The Week?

    “Due to the remaining damage to both fixtures and fittings and the racing surface itself following last summer’s floods, this year’s Cheltenham Festival will take place at Cartmel”.

    Hell, I’d go…

    gc

    What about Newmarket???

    Or Godolphin win the Grand National, ridden by Tom O’Brien!!

    #113537
    clivex
    Member
    • Total Posts 3420

    Micheal Stoute;

    "let me expand upon that…."

    #113540
    apracing
    Participant
    • Total Posts 3105

    Clerk of the Course Ascot – ‘The ground on the straight course is rock hard and you’d be mad to run anything here today’.

    Dave Smith, Judge – ‘Just give me a minute or two to look at the photo’.

    Ferdy Murphy, Trainer – ‘That was a poor novice chase he’s just won and I’m not expecting him to go on to better things’.

    David Johnson, Owner – ‘I picked him up for two grand at Ascot Sales’.

    Lord March, Goodwood MD – ‘We have relaxed our rules and jeans and t-shirts are welcome in the Champagne Bar’.

    AP

    #113543
    Happy Jack
    Participant
    • Total Posts 515

    “Good afternoon. It’s a lovely Spring afternoon here in the middle of the Cotswolds which can only mean one thing. Yes, it’s the 2008 Cheltenham Festival, the greatest sporting event on the planet, and you can catch live and uninterrupted coverage of all 24 races right here on BBC1”.

    “We’ve got fifteen minutes before the big race gets underway, so let’s go and have a look at the horses in the paddock.

    #113549
    graysonscolumn
    Participant
    • Total Posts 6939

    "Yeah, it wasn’t the best ride you’ve ever seen in your life, was it!" – Patrick Millington.

    "No, you’ve been right all along. I should leave my better horses for others to train." – Oliver Carter.

    gc

    The patron saint of lower-grade fare. A gently critical friend of point-to-pointing. Kindness is a political act.

    #113556
    MikkyMo73
    Member
    • Total Posts 1789

    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

    Some great replies folks, keep them coming. This one might be a long shot but I am going for;

    Kieran Fallon in the winners enclosure at Lingfield :lol:

    or Towcester’s restaurant menu advertising their fish as;

    "freshly arrived today, just as soon as the rain came" :lol:

    Mike

    #113561
    robnorth
    Participant
    • Total Posts 4723

    or Towcester’s restaurant menu advertising their fish as;

    "freshly arrived today, just as soon as the rain came" :lol:

    Mike

    Or locally caught sea fish maybe? :lol:

    #113568
    davidjohnson
    Member
    • Total Posts 4491

    ‘He’s not a playboy, he’s not arrogant – he’s a big dog’ O’Brien on George.

    ‘Sadly he’s as slow as a boat, doesn’t pick up the bridle at home and needs at least 2m’ O’Brien again on any one of his classic generation.

    #113572
    AndyRAC
    Participant
    • Total Posts 318

    ‘He’s not a playboy, he’s not arrogant – he’s a big dog’ O’Brien on George.

    ‘Sadly he’s as slow as a boat, doesn’t pick up the bridle at home and needs at least 2m’ O’Brien again on any one of his classic generation.

    In fact he wouldn’t win a Selling Plate at Downpatrick.

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