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Willie Carson on the BBC at Ascot … or is it Paul Daniels?

Home Forums Lounge Willie Carson on the BBC at Ascot … or is it Paul Daniels?

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  • #19842
    CrustyPatch
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    • Total Posts 916

    It’s nearly time for the big Ascot extravaganza, with the BBC television coverage headed by Clare Balding and her sidekick, Willie Carson, who will once again be doing his impressive Paul Daniels impression.
    Willie seems to be getting more like Paul Daniels by the day. I’m half expecting him to say: “You’ll like this next race – not a lot but you’ll like it.”
    Or even telling the crowd: “Stood up at the back, missus. Pick any card. Say: ‘Yes, Paul’.”
    We might even see a wig spinning round on the top of his head, in the style of the Spitting Image puppet of Paul Daniels.
    I’m waiting for him to say after the big race: “And that’s magic.”
    He must drive Clare Balding mad with his cackling, inarticulate, bumbling, indecipherable ramblings. There is a world of difference between being articulate and being chattering, garrulous and rambling. Talking a lot isn’t the same as being articulate, contrary to what BBC bosses seem to believe. Clare Balding is highly articulate, supremely professional and very versatile (the number of sports she can seemingly effortlessly present or commentate on is amazing, leaving aside the non-sports programmes she also does).
    Willie was first given the job of pundit and co-presenter after apparently impressing BBC bosses with his cheeky chappy interviews with Julian Wilson and Co many years ago. The bosses wrongly thought his grinning, cackling, housewives’ favourite routines would translate into articulate, informed and entertaining presenting skills. How wrong they were. I squirm every time he opens his mouth.
    I don’t doubt his racing knowledge and his credentials as a former champion jockey but that doesn’t qualify him to be a presenter, where you would think a basic ability to speak in fluent, grammatical, uncluttered sentences would be paramount. He constantly interrupts or verbally crashes in to the long-suffering Clare. She often has to correct or prompt him and he always manages to find the wrong words to say at the wrong time.
    The most embarrassing incarnation of this was when Willie made a series of disastrous in-running comments during the infamous Ascot shoulder race on which Ian Bartlett was commentating. Why Bartlett kept bringing him in so many times for his comments during the running of the race, I will never know. It ended up as a conversation between them, not a race commentary. If you are going to make comments in running, they need to be short, to-the-point and pithy, as exemplified by Mick Fitzgerald, who is good at this role. In the end, Bartlett ended up telling Willie to “shut up”. Quite right, too.
    I have never understood why producers think we need in-running comments from some expert during the race. All the TV viewer wants is a commentary saying who is leading and who is behind the leader.
    BBC race commentator Jim McGrath must be on commission for the number of times he mentions the “Willie Carson route” in races at Ascot when the runners get to that famous spot on the far side where Willie showed a bit of initiative in steering a lone course and finding the best ground to race on near the trees.
    I can’t stand it when Willie ostentatiously doffs his top hat at the end of Royal Ascot coverage and acts the fool with any celebrities in the paddock, especially Liz Hurley types or Cilla Black. Not to mention sparring with Bruce Forsyth in Brucie’s annual tetchy Royal Ascot interview.
    If they had a three-horse race between Willie, George W Bush and John Prescott for the most syntax-strangled, spluttering, grammar-defying gibberish ever uttered, it would certainly be a very close photo-finish. “One for the judge, I reckon” – if Jim McGrath were commentating on it.
    I hate it when Willie says: “He has rode a good race”, instead of “He has ridden a good race.”
    Pint-sized Willie seems to be getting ever taller. Judging by the BBC’s Arc de Triomphe coverage, he will soon be towering over Clare Balding. They seem to be giving him ever bigger boxes to stand on. Clare will end up shorter than him at this rate.
    Let’s hope the BBC don’t decide to get rid of Clare and give Paul (sorry, Willie) a new presenting partner – “the lovely Debbie McGeeeeee….”

    #376791
    CrustyPatch
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    • Total Posts 916

    According to the Daily Mail website, Willie Carson could be about to make an appearance on ITV’s I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here.
    The thought of Willie Carson in the jungle babbling away and irritating everyone with his antics could prove interesting. Which is the worse, Willie on I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here or McCririck on Celebrity Big Brother and Celebrity Coach Trip?
    This is an extract from the Daily Mail website, quoting The Sun:
    —————————————————————-
    Rather than the usual batch of buxom, bikini-clad D-listers, a host of over-60s have been recruited.
    At least four of the celebrities who will be thrown into the Australian bush are in their 60s.
    Former jockey Willie Carson, 69, has also arrived in town, according to the Sun, and comedian Freddie Starr, 68, was spotted leaving Heathrow.
    Starr is famous for the Sun newspaper headline ‘Freddie Starr ate my hamster.’

    #376897
    PurwellPurwell
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    • Total Posts 654

    Watch out for the headline: "Freddie Starr Eats Willie."

    #20183
    CrustyPatch
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    • Total Posts 916

    Willie Carson, the professional Paul Daniels impersonator, is due to enrich the lives of millions by appearing on ITV’s I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here!
    My sources in Australia tell me that ITV are expected to exact the ultimate revenge on the other contestants by torturing them with repeated replays of the infamous BBC Royal Ascot shoulder race in which Ian Bartlett commentates in between constantly bringing in Carson to provide long-winded and vacuous in-running comments. It’s the one where Bartlett eventually tells him to "shut up".
    I am told that, when it comes to Bushtucker Challenges, Carson will be asked to eat not kangaroo testicles but Ian Bartlett’s testicles and, instead of eating a crocodile penis, will be forced to chomp and crunch on Jim McGrath’s penis (effectively the same as a crocodile penis).
    I am assured that Fatima Whitbread, another contestant, will be indistinguishable in size and shape from Clare Balding and that Willie (or, as race commentator Raleigh Gilbert used to call him "the five-times champion jockey, Willie Carson") will spout a lot of tongue-mangled, grammar-defying gibberish at her in a bid to beat her into submission.
    Why he is subjecting himself to this humiliation is anyone’s guess, given that in real life he is known for his short-tempered, irritable and generally touchy and tetchy behaviour, rather than the all-laughing, all joking housewives’ favourite image he tries to promote.
    I suspect he will prove to be irascible and intolerant and will annoy the other attention-seeking Z-listers in the same way that Janet Street-Porter and Jan Leeming did.
    If it’s an effort to gain brownie points with his grandchildren, as he said in his publicity blurb, I think he may live to regret it. I just hope the lovely Debbie McGee is standing by to rescue him.
    For racing fans, the Grand National winning owner Freddie Starr, of Miinnehoma fame, is likely to prove equally combustible, given his unpredictability.

    #20229
    BeauRanger
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    • Total Posts 376

    how long will he last eating insects :shock:

    #378400
    nighthorsenighthorse
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    • Total Posts 385

    I’m actually quite surprised so far. I thought he would be a real whinger, but he’s not been at all bad. Very quiet (for him).

    Having said that, he’s not had a lot to whinge about…YET!!!!!!!!! :lol:

    #378467
    CrustyPatch
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    • Total Posts 916

    Willie seems to be slipping under the radar for TV coverage and is being eclipsed by the awful Antony Cotton from Coronation Street. What on earth is Willie doing lowering himself by appearing with such Z-list nobodies, apart from Hollywood actress Stefanie Powers, who really must be desperate?
    And who on earth is that swarthy, scary-looking, black-haired bloke masquerading as Fatima Whitbread? Must be a mistake in the credits. I’m sure it said Fatima Whitbread in my TV magazine.

    #378698
    wordfromthewise
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    • Total Posts 453

    Unfortunately a conversation where Willie was asked : ‘Were you the greatest jockey of all time?’ was cut short but not before the ever modest WIllie (he genuinely is btw) quickly said no but when asked if it was Frankie equally quickly again said no and added he thought he was the equal of Frankie (about right I think nb he was asked the question are you as good as Frankie rather than boasting btw……..unfortunately the rest of the answer wasn’t shown…….I think he would have mentioned Lester but opted for Gordon.

    #379443
    HimselfHimself
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    • Total Posts 3772

    Willie Carson is coming across very well in this. We see a different side to him – he just gets on with things; he’s very pragmatic in that sense – and there is much less of the irritating cackle and cheeky wee chappy routine that we see when he’s teamed up with big Clare B.

    Gambling Only Pays When You're Winning

    #379487
    RedRum77RedRum77
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    • Total Posts 1549

    Question, why are the two topics about Willie Carson :- Get Me Out Of Here?

    I wouldn’t mind but the other one not even disappeared on to the next page yet.

    :?

    #379488
    RedRum77RedRum77
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    • Total Posts 1549

    I like Willie (Carson), prefer him to Johnny (Francome).

    #379505
    CrustyPatch
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    • Total Posts 916

    Willie seems to be getting inexplicably good reviews, although hearing him cackling tonight, while strapped in the cage, brought back unhappy memories of his antics at Royal Ascot.
    The sight of him being attacked by snakes, crabs, cockroaches and other creepy-crawlies did make me feel very sorry for those poor creepy-crawlies. I hope Pinza’s friends at the RSPCA aren’t watching.
    Wonder whether Ian ("shut up, Willie") Bartlett could ask John Parrott and Gary Wiltshire to give us a price on how long it will take to get him booted out so he can go back to the ample bosom of Clare Balding.
    Speaking of which, I’m thinking of starting a special jungle spread betting book on who’s got the saggier boobs, Willie Carson or Lorraine Chase?
    I dread to think how Pinza would get on in the jungle. No doubt quite a few people on this forum would enjoy spending large sums of money on voting for him to be enclosed for a lengthy period in a dark, wet, smelly place with an assortment of snakes, rats, toads, cockroaches and other slimy reptiles.

    #379767
    CrustyPatch
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    • Total Posts 916

    According to McCririck on the Morning Line, Willie Carson could go all the way and win on I’m a Celebrity.
    He is apparently playing a canny game, not upsetting anyone and avoiding the tasks and the viewer votes that have seen off Stefanie Powers and Simon Cowell’s sidekick, Sinitta.
    McCririck’s suggestion that the "ravishing Clare Balding" should be "parachuted in" to the jungle might have the rest of the Z-list so-called celebrities quaking in their boots. Mind you, I wouldn’t fancy her chances against the acid-tongued Fatima Whitbread.
    I wouldn’t mind a small wager that McCririck himself will end up on I’m a Celebrity one day. Certainly, there doesn’t seem to be much that he won’t do for money, as he has freely admitted. Celebrity Big Brother, Celebrity Coach Trip. He admitted that he was doing Celebrity Big Brother just for the money, after apparently losing cash from having his Channel 4 Racing appearances cut to virtually nothing these days.
    The common thread is that he always manages to upset everyone he ends up spending enforced time with. Not forgetting Celebrity Wife Swap, in which he and The Booby fell out spectacularly with fiery ex-Conservative MP Edwina Currie. The Booby also turned nasty on Celebrity Coach Trip.
    No doubt, if he did end up in the jungle, McCririck would insist that the eating tasks consisted of servings of lobster and other posh delicacies, enjoyed by him at The Ivy, as well as lashings of champagne to wash it down. Perhaps they could lay on six different types of premium lobster for him to taste.
    I wouldn’t fancy watching him swimming down to the bottom of a pool in his scanties, though, as bikini babe Emily Lloyd did the other night (especially if he was wearing the crumpled, off-white Y-front nappies he wore on Celebrity Big Brother).
    Let’s just hope he doesn’t ask for the "Female", Tanya Stevenson, to be parachuted in to join him. It would cost me a fortune ringing the premium rate voting lines to get her doing the Bushtucker Trials and ending up submerged in creepy crawlies and being forced to eat a crocodile’s penis.
    Judging by the hat Tanya wore on the Morning Line today, at least the producers wouldn’t need to spend any money on kitting her out with a suitable jungle hat. McCririck was wearing huge wellington boots that would also do admirably for the jungle.

    #380101
    CrustyPatch
    Participant
    • Total Posts 916

    I’ve heard everything now. Jessica-Jane does "like her Willie" and is "tipping" (geddit?) the pint-sized former champion jockey to win.
    Willie Carson was up for eviction from the jungle with bikini babe Jessica-Jane Clement tonight — and yet again Willie survived.
    Jessica-Jane came out with the quote of the night by saying: "I do like my Willie" — prompting Willie to say that perhaps he had got a chance then.
    Cue embarrassing Mr and Mrs music and a montage about how close they had become. Stomach churning.
    She told viewers how much she liked her Willie and said she hoped he wins. You’ve got to question the woman’s sanity.

    #380180
    Ghost of Rob VGhost of Rob V
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    • Total Posts 742

    No doubt, if he did end up in the jungle, McCririck would insist that the eating tasks consisted of servings of lobster and other posh delicacies, enjoyed by him at The Ivy, as well as lashings of champagne to wash it down. Perhaps they could lay on six different types of premium lobster for him to taste.

    You forgot to add snot :P

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