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Here’s my humorous(!) take after two years of watching the flat:
Sir Michael Stoute: Why don’t all you riff-raff just bugger off home and let us get on with the racing! No, I’m not going to answer a direct question, ever and I’m telling you nothing about the horse unless you own it and you’e an entry in Burke’s!
Tom Queally: Very often rides drunk horses who sashay from one side of the track to other while doing their damndest to lose from short prices. Either that or poor Tom just doesn’t know how to make them run straight!
Frankie Dettori: I just don’t feel like I’ve got to do much these days, I like to just turn up and smile, the camera loves me!
Mark Johnston: Do you like my tartan tie?! I’m a Scottish trainer based in England ye know! Did I tell you that before?
Ryan Moore: I’ll just sit at the back here lads and snake my mount up through you all in the last furlong or so if that’s ok?
Willie Carson: I never developed tact. Infact, what is tact? I don’t know but I can tell you what I regularly tell these BBC types they’re talking bollocks live in front of 2 million people.
Aidan O’Brien & Coolmore: Every horse is the next Nijinsky, Sea The Stars, Dubai Millenium etc, etc we like to wear shades at all times and in no way do we remind you of the baddies in the Matrix! We’ve also turned the Derby and the Guineas and any other half decent race into a team sport, which is nice if you’re watching football or cricket, not so good if you want to see the best horse win! Ho Hum, it’s off to the Stud Book to count our money!
Henry Cecil: I’m posh like Sir Michael but unlike Sir Michael, I don’t hate you all!
Channel 4 Racing: Alistair Downs seems to be seconds from permarage every time Big Mac opens his mouth, good fun really. Tanya Stevenson seems either permanently drunk or hung-over or maybe she just gets nervous, i don’t know.
Matt Dawson: What am I dong here?Kieran Fallon: Under no circumstances will I look at you while answering your questions! On a serious note, when he’s on a no-hoper, it’s amusing the way he tries to say so while avoiding just saying, ‘it’s a donkey’! You know he’s dying to just to get away from the camera. But it’s all, "Ah, well, y’know, the formbook, and er, out of the frame the last time, and y’know, er, probably the time beforet that as well, so y’know, we’ll, er, and it’s a small horse, y’know, and er, well y’know, looks a bit lame, but er, y’know there’s every chance’!
Just a few wee observations thought I’d share. I find the flat compelling: the racing, the horses, the bloodlines, the characters, the psychology, the betting, the anticipation, the inevitable failures; All things racing bodies should advertise if they want new race-goers. Selling tickets on the basis that you’ll get to see a live band afterwards just seems to send out a message that racing as an entertainment on it’s own merits holds no value, which is entirely the wrong message.
Tanya Stevenson is never drunk or hungover… she’s trying to do ‘come to bed eyes’ Keeping the seat warm until Emma Spencer gets back from Dubai.
Allegedly.
Good points at the end too!!
Cant wait to see Emma back to brighten up Saturday afternnons!!
I had a good ‘ol giggle at Matt Dawson "what am i doing here"!
Have a go at NH racing pleassseeeeee
Tanya Stevenson is never drunk or hungover… she’s trying to do ‘come to bed eyes’ Keeping the seat warm until Emma Spencer gets back from Dubai.
Allegedly.
The highlight of the flat for me last year around the time Emma and Jamie Spencer split up and apart from every time Emma had to interview Jamie after a winner (haha), went something like this:
Mike Cattermole And Emma Spencer after the Dante maybe:
Mike: Infact, Emma was just telling me last night that Paco Boy was in with a chance:
Emma: (Goes bright red and looks nervously at camera) er, yes, well, I,er, I, hmm, I did fancy it…..
Mike (Goes bright red and looks nervously at camera) Yes, er, not that Emma And I talk much in the evening you understand (smiles nervously).
CUE RAPID CUT TO WIDE VIEW OF THE KNAVESMIRE!
There is very obvious chemistry between them, it makes for great viewing!
Nationa Hunt, hmm, I’m not as much a fan of the jumps but Nicky Henderson does remind me of the farmer from Fantastic Mr Fox who survives on a diet of strong cider! "Boggis, Bunce and Bean, all as equally mean…..
Aidan O’Brien & Coolmore: Every horse is the next Nijinsky, Sea The Stars, Dubai Millenium etc, etc we like to wear shades at all times and in no way do we remind you of the baddies in the Matrix! We’ve also turned the Derby and the Guineas and any other half decent race into a team sport, which is nice if you’re watching football or cricket, not so good if you want to see the best horse win! Ho Hum, it’s off to the Stud Book to count our money!
Very Funny, i’ve often thought he’s walked off the set of the Matrix
Just to interject with a serious question:
Why does Aidan O’Brien where shades all the time? I’m assuming it’s a medical reason.
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Sorry! I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry. One thing is certain though. I despair.
I find the flat compelling: the racing, the horses, the bloodlines, the characters, the psychology, the betting, the anticipation, the inevitable failures; All things racing bodies should advertise if they want new race-goers. Selling tickets on the basis that you’ll get to see a live band afterwards just seems to send out a message that racing as an entertainment on it’s own merits holds no value, which is entirely the wrong message.
Very, very good point.
Tanya Stevenson is never drunk or hungover… she’s trying to do ‘come to bed eyes’ Keeping the seat warm until Emma Spencer gets back from Dubai.
Allegedly.
Tanya Stevenson = Rusty Bike
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