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Shocked and sickeningly sad about this tragic news this morning. She was a beautiful girl. If depression is the reason behind her death, perhaps it will open up the discussion about depression and make people realise that it is okay not to feel "okay". Even those who sparkle on the outside can be struggling on the inside. We must become more open, aware and accepting of this in ourselves and in others.
I have known depression through my own experience and in many close to me and of course medication and professional treatment have their place but would also recommend this book for anyone suffering or on the verge of: Rebooting-Defeating-Depression-Kabbalah-Technology
My love and prayers go out to Lucy and her family. May her soul rest in peace and wishing her loved ones strength and comfort along this tough road ahead.
Yes, fine posts from TAPK and Steeplechasing
The brain is just another organ and it can malfunction just like any other organ so mental health can suffer just as any other organ health can suffer. The ‘problem’ being that frank mental illness (schizophrenia etc) and mood disorders (depression etc) manifest themselves to others in a ‘worrying’, ‘unsettling’ sometimes ‘frightening’ manner; hence the age-old taboo surrounding them, which unfortunately is still extant though diminishing, thankfully
Mood disorder can also be a very private affliction, a ‘brave face’ being put on when in the company of family and friends, and in public. I’ve obviously no idea if this was the case with poor Lucy Stack but given the shock generated by the death of this superficially happy and bubbly person it might appear that hers were indeed private demons
Yes, yes, thrice yes: share your problems with nearest, dearest and professionals; there’a an awful lot of help out there, as there is for any malfunctioning organ
1 in 4 will hear the Black Dog bark at some point in their lives, don’t let it bite
Nathan, my heart goes out to you my friend, and to all of your family for your loss.
Joe
So sorry to read your brothers story Nathan it’s hard to imagine how you cope with the loss of someone so close but somehow from somewhere you seem to get the strength to carry on.
Lucy Stack’s tragic death has highlighted how important it is to seek help. talk to friends and family, and not suffer alone and in isolation and if it has opened the gate for discussion such as on this thread in memory of her name then I think she will be looking down on all of you with pride. God Bless Lucy and her family.
Things turn out best for those who make the best of how things turn out...I lost my Mum the same way.
Those who work in the area deserve massive respect in often trying circumstances caused by basic underfunding and lack of recognition.
Whilst sadly it did not result in a happy outcome for my Mum the understanding of the illness helped massively in helping those of us who felt they had failed in not being able to prevent her death.
As has been so eloquently pointed out in the earlier posts by TAPK and Steeplechasing part of the responsibility of those whose loved ones have been affected by the illness is to speak out so that is becomes obvious how widespread an issue it has become in this day and age. The stigma still attached to mental illness within society and hence the feelings it generates in the sufferers that they cannot see themselves being reintegrated into it are a major cause of ‘negative outcomes’
Sincere condolences to Lucy’s friends and family and to all those and their loved ones who battle with such a cruel and misunderstood condition.
Richard, so glad to see you post this for the sake of others. So sorry for your Mum, for you and your family.
Joe & Margy
I lost my Mum the same way.
Tough Call sharing that Richard but that is exactly what needs to be done.You know exactly what it feels like when the phone goes at 2am, I instantly think its my Mother having attempted Suicide yet again,7 times in the past 10 yrs and its only recently transpired that these overdoses were assisted by her addiction to Valium and sleeping Pills.We all know ourselves that what bothers you at 3am in the morning seems nothing at 9am and thats because we are conditioned to be asleep at that time,our Brains function differently at different stages of fatigue.3am is a Dark lonely place when anxiety strikes and the more we worry about our own issues the more likely a panic attack hits us.Anyone had a panic attack? Scarey! I had one when I was 15yo,I climbed to the top of my ladder no problem got on the customers roof to adjust the aerial and turned round to come down the roof and I froze,talk about deep breathing.sweaty palms,dizziness and palpatations I had them all.My initial thoughts were to jump off the roof,thats how panic hits you but I just sat down and seriously talked myself down with knees trembling,got to the ground and was Shaking.That experience taught me a lot about how our minds work.I learnt very quickly about ‘Exposure Therapy’ and was up the ladder again the next day and still am 35yrs later.I know when I’m getting too high these days and react accordingly,my issue might only be Vertigo but I remember like it was yesterday those feelings of real Panic.Anyone who has experienced real Panic attacks automatically is susceptible to suffer again so prevention of putting yourself in the same situation that caused it helps.
Nath,I was hoping you would contribute to this thread too,well said mate.If anything positive comes out of poor Lucys death then its contributing to threads like this and making people aware of how destructive Mental illness can be.Thanks again Richard Hoiles.Condolences to the friends and family of Lucy Stack.
I must say it’s definitely heartening to see the subject of depression being treated with the frankness and sympathy it deserves. Also, there have been some absolutely stellar posts made in this thread. Whilst attitudes are very gradually improving, it is sadly an area of life which is still so often grossly misunderstood and mistreated in today’s society. Thus I readily commend the many posts on here which counteract the current Zeitgeist.
What helped me when I was at my utter worst around four years ago wasn’t necessarily talking about it (though I’m aware of how it can be a literal life saver for many), but reading the accounts of others. Initially, I went on at length to those close to me (whom I’m blessed to have) about what was going on in my mind and whilst they accepted that it was a bad year for me and that I was entitled to be a bit miffed, they didn’t understand why I wanted to do what I wanted to do. But when by chance I met someone whose thoughts sounded very familiar, I took comfort for in knowing that my thoughts weren’t entirely unique. It wasn’t a "magic wand" moment as, sadly, there isn’t one. But it helped to lessen the sensation that I simply wasn’t built to be a human on this planet.
By that token, I hope nobody minds if I link an Alastair Campbell article which I found myself recognising a fair bit as I read it.
http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/com … 49425.html
There really can’t be enough literature on the subject. Particularly as depression varies so wildly depending on the person it’s affecting. After all, depression really can affect any person of any standing regardless of their "non-depressed"/"good day" personality type. It doesn’t matter if you’re the outgoing gregarious type or the quiet bookish type as depression doesn’t discriminate. But so long as there’s ample literature or musing available, the more likely one is to get a better insight and understanding into your own affliction and hopefully bring the wretched thing to a more manageable level.
To be honest I’ve avoided this thread for a long time. Although feel sorry and thinking of her, I don’t feel comfortable somehow sending massages of condolence to people I don’t know (Lucy). However, am glad I looked in; so many inspiring, heart-felt wonderful posts on such a difficult subject to openly talk about. Particularly from Gord, Nathan, Joe and Richard. Feel for you all. Don’t think I fully realised what you were going through Gord, when we first fell out. Sorry. And that’s not me being "fake". We should start with a clean slate.
Strongly suspect someone close to me has for some time had a lesser but all too real undiagnosed mental health issue that is just coming to a head. Does anyone have any advice on how to approach the subject of trying to get someone to seek professional advice/help? Someone very much against doctors of any sort and doesn’t like talking about private things at the best of times.
Please pm if neccesary.
Value Is EverythingTo be honest I’ve avoided this thread for a long time. Although feel sorry and thinking of her, I don’t feel comfortable somehow sending massages of condolence to people I don’t know (Lucy).
Not sure if brave is the right word but that must have taken some thought before posting. I too have felt very uneasy about this thread for similar reasons. I can understand to a certain extent RIP threads for the likes of Henry Cecil, Terry Biddlecombe etc. but a trainer’s wife who most of us wouldn’t have recognised let alone knew? I would ask if someone who you didn’t know dies in your own street do you show any interest whatsoever?
Again, I am not sure about sharing very personal stories (we probably all have them) with just about anyone but I guess it is an individual choice.
Yes I think you would show interest if it was someone down your street. You’d talk about it, express genuine sorrow for the family, and share any similar experiences of your own. It’s human nature. Also if it gets people talking about mental health, then it’s no bad thing.
Thank you to those who have shared their personal experiences.
One of my best friends committed suicide several years ago. He had appeared to be low in spirits for a time but it wasn’t until other friends and i discussed the situation and as a group reconciled personal conversations we’d had with Roger that we realised the situation had been far more serious than appeared on the surface. We were a close group of friends then and we grew closer together as we first mourned his passing then celebrated his life.
My thoughts are with her family and friends, and with everyone who is experiencing trouble in life.
Some wonderful posts on this thread and I think it’s amazing that people are so open with their personal experiences in an effort to help others, that can’t have been easy.
I have attached below an excellent article by Cavan football goalkeeper Alan O’Mara, who discusses his experiences of depression. The article is quite GAA oriented but I feel his comments are relevant to anyone who is feeling down or who wants to get a better insight into the life of someone who has dealt with depression.
Ginger, I’m posting this rather than PMng you as there might be others who could benefit from my own experience with it.
The short answer is to try and point them toward an online NHS questionnaire for depression. How persistent you can be will depend on your closeness and your friend’s attitude to ‘advice’.
Many people, especially as they age, slip into depression and believe it is just part of getting older (humans are great at adjusting steadily to many things, but not so great sometimes with the ultimate results of that adjustment).
People are likely to be more truthful with themselves sitting privately, answering a diagnostic questionnaire, than they will be with others.
Establishing how serious depression is in yourself, let alone someone else, is a tough task. All you can do with your friend is try. The good news is that many depressives can be treated with great success. I’ve heard quite a few say that life has opened up to such an extent that they feel twenty-years-old again. If you can get that message across – that treatment, for many, can not only save them slipping deeper and deeper, but can give them a feeling of rebirth – well, you know how powerful that could be.
Even if a questionnaire-based diagnosis indicates depression, there are many barriers to overcome. The perceived social ‘stigma’; the reluctance to have to declare it when seeking employment, insurance etc, makes it a tough call for many.
If you could offer a depressive a single day as his or her ‘old self’ (assuming it’s not a lifetime affliction) and tell them that treatment would give them a massive chance of a permanent return, most would, imo, ignore the barriers.
I wish you, and anyone else in the situation, luck. BTW, if you ever hear anyone complaining of a ‘frozen shoulder’, in my experience in can be the mind crying for help via the body, either from severe stress, or depression. Other ‘mystery’ pains (sometimes in the stomach) for which no physical reason can be found can be a manifestation of mental illness. I am not talking of ‘phantom’ pain – it tends to be agonizing to the point of disablement.
Good luck.
JoeWe have a thread on going on another forum I use that is discussing depression. It’s quite an eye opener for people like me that sometimes feel a bit fed up or have had times in their life when they’ve felt a bit down and called it depression. The person who started the thread is eloquent and funny, and it’s difficult to pair her with the person she’s tslking about, but it’s given me a greater understanding of the condition. It doesn’t help that so many anti depressants are handed out to people these days; I’m not saying they shouldn’t be but it’s then assumed that lots of people suffer from depression and all you do is pop a pill and everythings fine again. We had a tragic case recently in Notingham where a young mother of two died after suffering post natal depression and it’s difficult to understand how someone can take their own life when they have children. The more discussion and understanding, the better. We’ve all had times in our life when we wake up in the morning after something has made us unhappy, and a black cloud descends over us as we wake up and just want to go back to sleep to excape from it temporarily. I can’t imagine what it’s like for that black cloud to be there all the time.
It really is a terrible thing depression. There is largely a stigma still attached to it by a lot of people in society though that pass it off as if someone chooses to be depressed. Being an inward illness a lot of people fail to really recognize it truly, as with a lot of mental health problems. In some cases I think people really fail to understand exactly what depression is, they can relate feeling unhappy or having a off day as depression and think it is easy to snap out of, there are plenty of self diagnosed ‘depressed’ that don’t help the bigger picture.
It is important mental health awareness is raised. Really great heartfelt comments on here from TAPK, Steeplechasing, Nathan and others.
From my own personal prospective I experienced depression due to a medication I took when younger, side effects of the drug I had been on had been suicide and there were numerous cases of it. I had to go through testing etc before people able to have it. Towards the final 5-6 weeks of my medication I had slipped into depression without realizing it, family around me noticed it and went through a few things at the time also which didn’t help. I would find myself with uncontrollable crying fits at times and considered jumping off a bridge once and driving my car into a tree whilst on the road. I find it saddening to look back because I was wheel turn away from doing it. I am only glad I came off them when I did, as much as they changed my life.
I was lucky in the end though as when I was finished with my medication I almost instantly had a cloud above me lifted, it is not that simple for people who suffer otherwise. It also wasn’t until I came off my medication in the proceeding weeks I realized how I had been, at the time some of how I was feeling just felt normal.
I’ve seen mental health effect close friends at a young age and had family close to me suffer with depression. Mental health is a deep saddening issue. I hope those that suffer can get the support and one day come out of it, it is a horrible thing.
RIP Lucy Stack.
It just shows how common it is that the majority of us have had some impact from depression, whether first or second hand.
I agree with Joe, that questionnaire is a great first step to recognising that, yes, you do have a problem. My 18 year old daughter had it when she split from her boyfriend, and through counselling, anti depressants and self help and determination (she took up cross switching which proved a lifeline), she got better. A flatmate in her first year of uni wasn’t so lucky. He was a party animal, always on the go, always having fun, but underneath, his depression was hidden. When he didn’t return to the flat after his second Christmas there, his friends found out he’d committed suicide over the holiday period. To this day, Liv and her friends wish he’d have said something so they could have helped him.
It’s nothing to be ashamed of.
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