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Sounds like a load of bollox to me. Our wordsmith has lost the plot
BB News reports on a private conversation this New Years day
Two people trying to fit in and look normal whilst sitting in a large coffee house on a bench side by side and looking out through the window glass at all the apparently normals walking along outside.
Pretendy woman
” There’s a difference this year with all your New Year’s resolutions ”
Man…
” And what’s that? ”
Pretendy Woman…
” You have got to OBEY THEM “
BB News – flash report on the Lake murders.
Our reporter is at the macabre scene before any of the broad sheets, well before anyone really. It is the third possible death at this idyllic beauty spot; a wonderfully large lake, as calm as a mill pond, in an undisclosed spot in the midlands. We were phoned this morning by a worried hotelier in Torquay to inform that his best bar customer a Mr Ricky Rake had not returned to settle his bills.
His clothes have been found at the suspect murder scene in a heap next to a notice board that warns swimmers to be double vaccinated, boosted, and to wear a rubber mask and swim with an aqualung.Washed up on another side of the lake were a large pair of plastic water wings which had been holed by a possible bullet. Some way away on a piece of shoreline covered by trees our reporter found two pairs of wet nickers, and a spent cartridge.
We will keep you well informed.
BB News..report in real time minus 3 minutes.
Pre-dinner (roast bird) conversation of two people blissfully unaware of the secret microphone.
Pretendy woman returning to the main room from the toilet…
” I am going to make some new
rules in here ”Man sitting but thinking to himself not all was left right in the bathroom before she went in…
” Don’t tell me them now, I am trying to relax
Pretendy woman..
” I am going to write them down ”
Subdued tension from the chair and silence and teeth grinding as she walks by only to then announce
” Im going to turn the bird ”
Singing from kitchen
‘Bird bird
Birdy Bird’(more teeth grinding from the chair)
Is there just the one series Gamble or hopefully more
in the offing. This should be on Netfix. Ricky would love it
Just getting my head together BigG
Got up at eleven thirty
and already on my second tea
Last night watched some legends of Glastonbury
and Jolene was pretty damn fine at seventy and life
on mars the stand out poetry.Difficult sometimes to come out of the zone but strangely getting Netflix is reluctantly on my New Year’s list.
I cannot for the life of me remember now what BB news actually stands for. We did a longish run about twenty years ago on Flutter – might have been here. Anyway it consisted of rather strange news stories garnered by gamble from around the world. Serious reporting if you will. I started of as a reporter and developed into a Dick.
I read your post as your last BigG as I do all and quite honestly I had no desire to write today – I am very busy with things but gamble sort of pulled my heart strings. He may want to be put away with the Xmas things high up on a shelf. He can be moody taciturn and downright wicked – so unlike me who is a bundle of wrapped up joy.
I very much enjoyed where he took me yesterday and the writing was a real fun fest. BB news is a mixture of brutally honest and brutally bent. I did the list for Ricky Rake. I did thoroughly enjoy intermeddling in the poster of the year big one – that surprised me and it was a strong field.
Another tea beckons and then I must away. One post at a time is all that is ever in my thinking.
gamble never has a cosy one with admin, but appreciates their hands on background back up, or gets on with anyone really – at times he’s a free thinking fool at other times inspired. But he tells me many a time…Why get into bed with anyone
who can remove your head
And then you wake up deadI wish you BigG a good year
and continuing festivity
along with all the other
MadEES
BB news…
We are a little behind issuing our up to the minute reports and apologies – but we will try to catch up.
A deranged well wisher contacted our offices just the other day wanting news of the serialisation of the Lake murders. I had to humour him because he was under the false impression that Ricky Rake would be enjoying our coverage.
I didnee want to burst his paranoia but Mr Ricky Rake well E’s deed – E is no moe – E’s gorn to lurkers paradise !
Sorry for the hogmanay accent
BB News
Might I wish all our Scottish Readers a hoot and a toot and a happy Hogmanay.
We have been looking at the films on the menace over the holiday period. Scrooge went down well with out Scottish and some Welsh supporters but I rather liked the late showing of Hound of the Baskervilles. A very emotional actor Richard E Grant was in the cast, and it surprised me because Holmes made a good stab at it, and it was enjoyable.
We will be announcing our selection for best actor of festive films a little later.
It’s been a right old head scratcher at BB. Best actor over the Xmas period and we have a short list.
Alistair Sim in Xmas Carol – a very funny man and a superlative actor
Dave Suchet as Hercule with his false nose in Murder on the Orient Express
Richard E Grant – in hound of the Baskervilles
Death on the Nile – Peter Ustinov.
Wild card is Billy Bunter from Greyfriars school. The Grey friars were the Fransiscan monks, just to inform.
We had a long discussion in the editorial office of BB News between me me me and me. I have four sides you see; the right side the left side the top side and the backside. All in all the clear winner from all the casts was…
Wait for it…
The Hound.
Yes the hound indeed – yards ahead of the A listers; Al,Dave,Rich, Billy and Pete – you just have to look at it and you’re mincemeat.
It was the most frightening thing I have ever seen on four legs in fifty years of films. It looked like a very cross cross breed between at the front end Boris Karloff’s monster having dipped himself in acid and the back end the pugnacious never never retreat two legged maverick – mad mad mitch on furious heat in Aden.
The fact no one had the courage to paint the monster dog’s almost six foot terrifying length in phosphorescent white paint
to keep Sir Arthur’s tale true, just shows the respect it gained in the studio.A BLOODY GOOD WIN
for the supernormal
socks up the rest.BB News
Our man – not in Havana but he who broke into the Palace and who was controversially sectioned, has sent in this fairly garbled report with a note suggesting he is the new editor. We have a paucity of news so we have let this slip through.
HISTORY BECOMES CLEARER IN HOSPITAL ROOM 221
When the Roman Empire fell, England was invaded by the Angles and Saxons. The original Celtic Britons withdrew to Scotland, Ireland, Wales, and Breton in France.
The iconic woman they took with them was Brittania who was based on the Roman god Minerva.
Now I need to chew this over with my medication but it could be argued we English are the most recent foreigners here. HMMM
When the Romans came with Julius Caesar in 55 AD they built this 70 mile long wall – called it Hadrian to keep all the testosterone out they found impossible to subjucate or control. Bad decision – the wall.
8000 years ago there was the ice age and eventually a few cracks appeared and the ice started melting slowly. The oncoming warmth meant that Britain could be populated from the slightly warmer climes in the southern hemispheres.
A few people who had inhabited northern Britain crossed the pack ice to Ireland and they became hunter gatherers and ate the odd animal and bird and lived off berries. They never settled and were nomadic people and this was very primitive times, no Wilde and no Guinness.
A small piece at the top of Ireland was invaded by a Scot called Bruce in the 12th century and this then fell into English kings’ hands.
It’s all rather confusing dont you think and being sectioned has cleared my thinking somewhat. I like simple decisions and a degree of umbleness – we gotta be a bit umble. Someone at HQ taught me that.
As new editor I suggest the milarkey in power adopt the land masses as natural borders. Lump England Scotland and Wales together and leave the ghosts of the past behind and call this BRIT – include any small islands. Set up a government equidistant to Edinburgh Cardiff and London.
For the self governing Ireland we suggest the new name IRE. As for the Brit’s and the Ire’s joining in a political union – well it’s not really practical is it ? specially after all the troubles. Umbleness suggests we give Northern Ireland back as a Xmas gift in 2022. We will need a year to convince them they are better off as a whole unit. 20 billion might help.
After dinner Russia China and Europe are on the sweet menu.
.
There’s not much news to tell as most of the news making part of the world are sitting at home.
WORLD NEWS IN BRIEF
EASTERN PART
A puppet is soon likely to assume the highest executive position in Ukraine. We haven’t obtained exact detail on the type; glove, rod, or string, but we do know it has the assistance of large batteries and can give a convincing rendition of ‘ There’s a glass of vodka on the table ‘
WESTERN PART
A man wearing a hood and sunglasses with a wide strange grin, according to the later shocked reception staff, and heavily hirsuited, checked himself into the Red Rooster Inn, Danville, Pennsylvania paying the 50 dollar room rate with a stolen credit card.
At approximately 2am he rang down for a cigar and a plate of bananas. Police were called when at 6.30 am he was seen leaping twenty feet from his balcony on the third floor into a tree and then leaping into another with thicker foliage and hooting with strange laughter, as he disappeared.
Rumour has it that it he is the last of the 100 missing monkeys at large, and reportedly the cleverest, all destined for the laboratory, that had escaped from a lorry crash seven miles away.
BB news have found out that he is now cleanly shaved ( evidence from the bathroom) and will be hard to find as he possibly tries to live life off grid as a hobo loner.
The driver of the crashed vehicle was found naked and concussed and confused. Staff told us the monkey had not slept in the bed and cigar ash was found neatly placed in the ashtray on the small table by the armchair. He had left some art work on the floor made up of banana skins forming the shape of a fist and a digit. A large search party is out looking for him and women have been warned in the area to not open their doors to any strangers, particularly if they are wearing a smile and asking for tree work. The one at large has been given the name – Mister Monkey, others are calling him the Joker.
EDITOR’S COMMENT
We are short on reporters – so in brief what was missing from the World News above was that the bottom hotter half of the world is trying to move up to the upper part.
A secret microphone picked this up in a central London flat.
Pretendy woman – “You’re not swapping my tablets are you ?”
Man… Why ?
Pretendy woman – ” I feel different ”
Man….” Why do you always watch Midsommer Murders and Murders She wrote ”
Pretendy woman… ” I’m learning ”
Man…” Ohhh “
Microphone on
Man locked in the bathroom sitting on the can scratching his head..
” Something is not right “
A secretly microphoned room near the Citi
Pretendy woman ( spying a pair of pink coloured reading glasses on the sideboard)
‘ Are these yours ‘ ?
Man… ” Yes they are mine ‘
Pretendy Woman…
” These are women’s glasses.
Man… ” That’s brutal “
Not much happening on the news front around the globe with a lot of countries still coping poorly with the pandemic. There’s a lack of energy for making news and even less stomach for reading it. To summarise and just if you’ve missed it, Putin has been talking a lot and a lot people are talking about a possible military confrontation. Let’s hope it can be resolved but the signs so far don’t look too positive.
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