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He’s gone way up in my estimation…
"Now we head over to the complete and utter sh*te from Great Leighs"….He’s gone way up in my estimation…
"Now we head over to the complete and utter sh*te from Great Leighs"….
"Yes, quite Jonathon, I mean anyone who likes All Weather racing must be a total ****…"
From Lord Snooty to RUK’s very own Shock Jock in one afternoon.
Roger Mellie, perhaps?
One can only speculate as to the cause of this outburst.
Did Unlucky lay the imperious Hills at 43/1 in the last perhaps?
Wonder what they say in private about Kempton after they’ve been bigging it up on screen……..
at least it proves he is human and is a good judge,enjoyed tom segals remark that if dubai was in his garden he would not open the curtain.
at least it proves he is human and is a good judge,enjoyed tom segals remark that if dubai was in his garden he would not open the curtain.
He wouldn’t be allowed to if his missus wasn’t wearing a tent with eye holes in it.
The majority of the racing press love Kempton as much as I do and make no secret about it – I’m think the place should be bombed!
One can only speculate as to the cause of this outburst.
One can only surmise he was on Stradbrook and was nervous as to whether or not he’d done his cash….
“The CIA tortured me with videos of jump racing and after forty five minutes, I was ready to admit to being Osama Bin Laden’s lover!” said released Guantanamo Bay inmate Ahmed Ramzi, interviewed at JFK airport this afternoon.
Mr Ramzi has a tale to tell which will embarrass the new Obama administration. Detainees and ACLU advocates have long accused the US government of ill treating prisoners on the Cuban island, but even the most paranoid of conspiracy theorists in their wildest dreams could not have imagined the full extent of the practices in daily use on the compound.
“They used old footage of races from Wincanton and Exeter to break our spirit” said Ahmed, in sunglasses even though snow had brought the eastern seaboard to a standstill. “I could read English so I could see the names and the racetimes. The Afghanis and the Pakistanis had no chance. They had no idea what infidel madness they were being exposed to. Slow horses, oh so slow and old, and over and over again. 24 hours a day. Never stopping, never ending. Slow motion. Nowhere in the world do you see this type of sport and the inmates had no way of coping”.
For the only time, he removed his wraparounds to reveal tired, bloodshot eyes. “Those races lasted forever, the evil b*****ds. They kept us awake at night to watch them too. The guards even kept our eyelids open with sellotape so there was no escape.”
“They only used the Jump Racing Torture on the toughest, most defiant inmates. Others they just peeled back bellends and electrocuted. We could hear those boys scream over in the west wing at night. But I tell you flower…we screamed louder” He shook his head at the memory. “Oh, how we screamed. Hexham. Newton Abbot. Kelso…I’ll never forget those names”
He continued. “Listen, after one two horse race from Wincanton which one horse won by five fences from the other and which took an hour to complete, an architect from Oman speared his own eyes out with a flattened toilet roll tube. He told me later that Allah would provide him with sight in paradise and at least he’d never have to ******* watch a horse race again! We were proud of him. Then they started on me and my mate Raz a month ago. 36 hours straight. Wincanton. Exeter. Ayr. Bangor on Dee. I still have nightmares about those names. Still, we never talked, y’know. After all, I knew **** all about the War on Terror. I pack ready meals in me Dad’s frozen food factory in Tipton”
Ahmed pulled me toward him, conspiratorially. “I’ve done a bit of psychology you know. At college. I reckon the CIA showed British jump racing to demonstrate the pointlessness of it. The struggle. It was a metaphor about hopelessness; perhaps, the futility of life itself.”
He stood up and shouldered his bag. He winked at me, full of the British spirit. “Anyroad, that’s enough from me. I’m off to Nad Al Sheba with my compensation to watch some proper racing if you fancy it”
Only eight weeks to go flatboys…
quality Max ,
, I am counting the days until the Jumping torture is overMore sand please !!!
have fun
Ricky
the presenters were spot on…..we had a three way photo at the end of a cracking race….and the producers decide to jump over to a race in Dubai that was almost finished…stupid decision by those in control…they could simply have shown the whole dubai race a few minutes later…
Cheers lads.
For those of you tuning in recently, I watch – and bet on – National Hunt. I just find the attitude of some of the green welly hardcore a bit hard to take. The world moves on.
There was some good sport in Dubai yesterday and even if you don’t bet on it, surely the sight of these top quality animals must get the blood racing. And the Dubaians are great supporters of the game here.
I wouldn’t expect anything else from the crusty Neesom who last went flat racing to see Park Top (and that was a freebie). But Lucky should know better. That said, anyone can get caught out at work and I’m generally a fan of the silver tongued presenter, so I wouldn’t make an issue of his comment.
However, just before Cheltenham last year, Nick let the viewers know his personal preferences in no uncertain terms on an infamous RUK Wednesday night show which he anchored alongside new kid on the block Andy K, so maybe it’s the time of year.
We’re all tense before Chelters…or Doncaster.
Can’t agree Max.
You don’t need a pair of green wellies to despise the Flat – only discernment.
I wouldn’t expect anything else from the crusty Neesom who last went flat racing to see Park Top (and that was a freebie).
I’m obliged to point out that he does a skipload of post-race comments for the Lingfields, Epsoms and Kemptons of this world, though yes, it wouldn’t necessarily rate as his favourite mode of racing.
Absolutely magnificent post, though, Max – having been on enough faggot and scratching pilgrimages to the place, I almost expired laughing at the mention of Tipton. With all thy faults, o Black Country town, oi luv yow still.
gc
Jeremy Grayson. Son of immigrant. Adoptive father of two. Metadata librarian. Freelance point-to-point / horse racing writer, analyst and commentator wonk. Loves music, buses, cats, the BBC Micro, ale. Advocate of CBT, PACE and therapeutic parenting. Aspergers.
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