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Bleak service

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  • #4175
    • Total Posts 2728

     :old: cough<br> <br> I thought about one more shot at the rabbit before I hit the big sleep. Talking about street preachers the worst I remember was a drunken man with a leer who accosted me while exiting an All Bar One establishment feet first in the earlies . It was in that most disrepuatable part of south of the river London where Arding and Hobbs have stupidly chosen to locate their finest odds and sods store. I think it may stand alone.

    The only saving factor about the pavement despoiler was he made some attempt at middle class with a fine pair of striped trousers and an impressive black leather belt to boot, notched in the right hole. He sat up and removed his eye glass before asking me, his unfortunate pavement victim for money.<br> "have you got a shilling gov to get a man who knows where he’s going to his feet " I detached myself from his grip and thinking quickly retorted " I am all bar one " before quickening my walk to hail a taxi exit out of Hobbsville.

    Now bleak service

    • Total Posts 2728


    The reason I decided to write this was I got into gear this morning.

    8.05 … I was a few floors up asnooze when I heard a noise I hated more than a rat’s arse coming from the hall area. The siren front door alarm. It was a bleak day, like everyday. The weather only highlight it, the sun making it particualrly worse, showing up all the bleak in contrasting shades.

      Looking at the black and white picture of him he looked like a barman or a retired tailor, but he said <br> " I have got a parcel down here for you to sign for "

    Now I was croned in more ways than one and was standing in a pair of stand alone underpants the Met would be proud of and also had on <br>my shrunken Johnny Weissmuller signed singlet making an impressive two stick V sign.

     " You want me to come down " I bleated obediently. The man had less hair was older and somehow had status on me so I popped into trousers a coat and a pair of slippers few humans have seen. He was a servant of the Queen and I somehow his subject.

      When I got down to the front entrance I felt horribly awake and could see my head hairs standing up strangely in the misty galss reflection that was unfortunately me. I looked the man up and down and took an instant dislike to him. I dont think he liked the look of me either.<br>" I’ve changed my mind I said, you must bring that up to my front door and deliver it properly".

    " This is as far as I go he said, are you signing for it or shall I leave you a card ? " I felt slightly trapped and signed like a rabbit. but managed to two teeth him about having received an apology from Royal Mail about a similar offence when I complained last time.

    "Give me your name I demanded"

    "I wont give you my name but you can take my van number if you want. "<br>The van was too far away to see the reg and I had carpet slippers on. The parcel was light about 6 by 9 inches and postmarked panama. Thank god I coould get through the front door, after ascending the stairs, which I had left on the latch. I went to the window and craned for the number.<br> Damned bleak service and I scratched like a chicken at my white bunnytail as I mesmerised myself with the last three letters.


    (Edited by gamble at 6:17 pm on Feb. 28, 2006)

    • Total Posts 2728


    A few typos and I am feeling rather random to explain it.

    I had complained about bleak service before, to the chattering classes, and got nothing bar the memorable words.. this is a cheap rate call and, if you wanted to, you could write in and complain freepost. Glory be and smuthering ducks, now they tell you when the pennies are ratcheting up like brown before the budgie.

    It was me standing at the window carrying a foul mood when the rabbit suddenly turned into rottie the rag hound. I found some slip on shoes and still with turnip hair grabbed a coat jingling the keys down the stairs. I had seen the van down the road and made briskly for it but keeping my composure and no canter.

     I tiurned a slight bend to see the van had expectedly moved further up the road. This was getting bleak but postie got out and saw me. That’s when I legged it towards him at tremendous speed. Must have been thirty yards, petrifying action. He looked surprised, disguising any fear, and I in an out of breath fashion, and right in his ear announced, that I was here to complain once again, and that until, until, he openly admitted he was wrong or gave an apology preferably on his queen’s knee he would have to put up with me.

      " Get back your invading my personal space he said "

      " I have decided I will work with you this morning and monitor your actions. "

      " No you wont "

      But of course I did. I followed him two feet behind as he made two failed deliveries.

     " Oh the yellow card, easy isn’t it ?"

      " Look unless you go away I will ring my superiors to get the police, you are committing a breach of the peace "

       " A breach of the peace is it ? Look I am justifiably riled and a very unhappy paying customer, and I have as much right to this pavement as you. Go ahead and ring the police, let’s sort this matter out and get another opinion. "

    He removed a mobile from his pocket and started to dial, but chickened suddenly, then he went all frumpish. Wouldn’t say a word.

     " Quiet now aren’t we ?"

      I accompanied him back to his van took the number and told him he would see me again at the depot. A bit harsh, but it got sufficient wind up on a cold day faced with a tight lipper.

      I returned and rang the complaint line.

      Yes I have had a few like that, but it is not the commonest complaint. I am emailing the depot manager now and he’ll get back usually within 48 hours with his staple response " I will speak to the member of staff responsible "


    (now for the edits}


    (Edited by gamble at 5:59 pm on Feb. 28, 2006)

    Mr. Pilsen
    • Total Posts 1684

    Very bleak on here nowadays, old chum.

    Mr. Pilsen
    • Total Posts 1684

    … though we do have a model on here now, twanging her sussies and getting a few of the old boys stirred up :D

    ricky lake
    • Total Posts 2358

    Pray who is that Mr P …..I do fancy a post from the king of Sheep is imminent though ….its been too long

    ps nice to see Clivex posting again ….the man exudes class


    Mr. Pilsen
    • Total Posts 1684

    Ricky, it’s the lovely Eliza. Agent Provocateur model.

    And yes, it would be good to hear from Gamble.

    Mr. Pilsen
    • Total Posts 1684

    Pray who is that Mr P …..I do fancy a post from the king of Sheep is imminent though ….its been too long

    ps nice to see Clivex posting again ….the man exudes class


    Or do you mean which ‘old boys’? In which case I have absolutely no comment to make :mrgreen:

    • Total Posts 2728

    I make a fleeting bleating return
    for the history of it.
    Your trolling of rusty,
    dog-eared, well matured, posts
    Mr Pilsen is a reminder of
    many wet afternoon sniffs for me
    back then
    when I was centred
    and felt the energy
    of the walls in here
    reverberating with the discord
    emanating from the strange
    and the unhinged
    and ze grinding sound
    as they rubbed shoulders
    with the normals.

    The all bar one character
    was of course Razeen
    whose voice I have managed
    to Stephen Hawkingize
    a little in the edge thread
    but without the nuance and lip.
    It would be a rare pleasure
    to re-read that old thread.
    My useless search for it
    this evening brought nothing.
    Funnily enough I rang up the
    establishment in Clapham
    all those years ago
    to ask if they had ejected a
    man in striped trousers
    and received a very bleak reply.

    I did put up a long post
    entitled Bleak House
    the sunday night of the
    recent double banger weekend.
    The post failed
    and the subsequent one.
    Very bleak and I turned
    in tired at about 1 am
    having had a bleak drink
    to settle my bleaking nerves.

    • Total Posts 2728

    My successful posting
    encourages me to do another
    on what is a bleak night;
    The News referred to a perfect storm
    Weather to be on the cold side (down to minus 2)

    My fruitless search was for
    the all bar one thread
    whatever the title was
    and not, repeat not,
    the edge of reezan.
    I am trying to paper
    over cracks in the previous posting
    and am determined to avoid edit.

    Some threads only remain in the mind,
    and likely only in one or two minds,
    Nothing is permanent.

    I certainly hope to
    do the odd post
    when time allows
    and the central theme;

    The past

    Mr. Pilsen
    • Total Posts 1684

    Good to see you visit, Gamble, even if only a bleating one :D

    A heady smell of decay, and possibly death, hangs over this forum.You should think about staying a while. We need all able-bodied men, women and sheep to do their duty for Auld Lang Syne.

    Not sure of the thread you’re looking for, any more clues what it was about?

    • Total Posts 2728

    I used to watch the old westerns
    mainly to view the undertakers.
    An odd bunch, thinly framed,
    bit part actors on the wrong
    side of sixty but worthy of
    a rewind.

    No I am comfortable in the presence
    of ghouls and memories that taunt
    a wine bottle empty.

    Be careful Mr pilsen
    if you re-create the Clapham
    incident too perfectly
    with few cracks and with speed
    I may pin several murders on you !


    • Total Posts 2728

    Rosemary’s Baby
    was a two horned classic
    but the proms was good too
    …Land of Hope and Gory

    I am on fairtrade wine tonight
    (pouring a final glass)
    and good there’s still something
    fair left to trade on !

    • Total Posts 2728

    Clues – sorry missed that bit.

    I don’t really have any
    only that Razeen wrote
    of the night his trousers
    were horizontalized in Clappem.

    Could have been any old thread
    definitely bearded though
    it would be old, very old
    as old as the
    vicars recurring dream
    of the dog collar that
    bit him repeatedly
    then dared to ask for more

    • Total Posts 2728

    I have just eaten
    four slices of cheddar cheese,
    what’s new – I used to eat lumps
    now it’s slices
    but I lack control
    after midnight

    There was always
    an underlying
    sense of decay in here
    it was Daylight’s wish
    as he SUNK the lounge
    to the bottom
    of the ladder as a trip stone
    and far away from horse racing
    as possible !

    I have read a lot of
    posts in here
    and there is a distinct
    underlying after taste
    Not tannis root but
    could be cheese,
    or the chalky dry mould, left
    by the old word association gangs

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