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HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!
“The racecourse is as level as a billiard ball.”
(John Francome — Jockey)“This is really a lovely horse; I once rode her mother.”
(Ted Walsh — Horse Racing Commentator)Mick Fitzgerald: “Sex is an anti-climax after that.”
Desmond Lynam: “Well, you gave the horse a wonderful ride, everybody saw that.”“We actually got the winner three minutes from the end but then they equalised.”
(Ian McNail — Football)“We now have exactly the same situation as we had at the start of the race, only exactly the opposite.”
(Murray Walker — F1 Motor racing Commentator)On the difficulties of adjusting to playing football and living in Italy: “It was like being in a foreign country.”
(Ian Rush — Footballer)“Bill Frindall has done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator.”
(John Arlott — Cricket Commentator)“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.”
(Winston Bennett — Footballer)“The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical.” (Murray Walker — F1 Motor racing Commentator)
“I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.”
(Greg Norman — Golfer)“Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing — but none of them serious.”
(Alan Minter – Boxer)“If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.”
(Terry Venables — Football Coach)“We’ll still be happy if we lose. It’s on at the same time as the Beer Festival.”
(Noel O’Mahoney, Cork City boss before the game in Munich)“I would not say he (David Ginola) is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better.”
(Ron Atkinson)“He dribbles a lot and the opposition don’t like it — you can see it all over their faces.”
(Ron Atkinson)“I never comment on referees and I’m not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat.”
(Ron Atkinson)On Tony Adamson’s alcoholism: “It took a lot of bottle for Tony to own up.”
(Ian Wright)“Julian Dicks is everywhere. It’s like they’ve got 11 Dicks on the field.”
(Metro Radio)“Her time is about 4.33, which she’s capable of.”
(David Coleman)“To play Holland, you have to play the Dutch.”
(Ruud Gullit)“Well, either side could win, or it could be a draw.”
(Ron Atkinson)“For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all-yellow strip.”
(John Motson)“Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer.”
(David Acfield)“I’d like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona.”
(Mark Draper — Aston Villa)“There goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class.”
(David Coleman)“One of the reasons Arnold Palmer is playing so well is that, before each tee-shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them”
(US TV commentator)“Just under 10 seconds for Nigel Mansell. Call it 9.5 seconds in round numbers.”
(Murray Walker)“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.”
(Winston Bennett)“I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.”
(Stuart Pearce)“The Port Elizabeth ground is more of a circle than an oval. It’s long and square.”
(Trevor Bailey)“Watch the time — it gives you an indication of how fast they are running.”
(Ron Pickering)“That’s inches away from being millimetre perfect.”
(Ted Lowe)“I’ll fight Lloyd Honeyghan for nothing if the price is right.”
(Marion Starling)“Lara’s chanced his arm, and it’s come off.”
(Brian Johnston)“Fred Davis, the doyen of snooker, now 67 years of age and too old to get his leg over, prefers to use his left hand.”
(‘Whispering’ Ted Lowe)“A brain scan revealed Andrew Caddick is not suffering from a stress fracture of the shin.”
(Jo Sheldon)“Bobby Gould thinks I’m trying to stab him in the back. In fact, I’m right behind him.”
(Stuart Pearson)“There’s going to be a real ding dong when the bell goes.”
(David Coleman)“We didn’t underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought.”
(Bobby Robson, after playing Cameroon in the 1990 World Cup finals)“I was in a no-win situation, so I’m glad I won rather than lost.”
(Frank Bruno)An oldie but still a golden goldie
“there’ll be dancing in the streets of Raith tonight” – Sam Leitch, though I long thought it was Kenneth Wolstenholme
in deference to which someone later quipped
“there’ll be dancing in the streets of Total Network Solutions tonight”
You’re a Private Eye addict too I think Betlarge: the ‘Commentatorballs’ column is still very amusing, isn’t it
Great post, you could always count on getting a class Murrayism during his F1 days!
Foot in mouth – a virulent disease that nobody is amune from but strangely seems to be more commonly found in both the sporting and celebrity worlds, where it is at an almost epidemic level.
I asked my Son if he understood what no meant?
he said ‘no’Blackbeard to conquer the World
All I can offer is the quote from my sister-in-law when I asked why she was so afraid of flying: ‘I’m terrified of that flatulence you hear about’
“the bowler’s Holding, the batsman’s Willey” – apocryphal?
“there’s a dirty black crowd over there” someone on TMS (E V WI) anticipating rain and uttering a Freudian Slip
Not quite in context but congratulations to Steph Houghton MBE – “the girl done great” (warm smiley)
One that never seems to make it into these compilations was Barry Davies, talking as the camera pointed at the goalkeeper seconds before kickoff in a game involving Holland in the World Cup Finals.
“A great shot stopper and the proud owner of fifty six Dutch caps”
At the start of the second half this changed to ‘has played fifty six times for Holland’.
“here comes the Saeed Bin Suroor trained runner, trained by err, by err, by err, Saeed Bin Suroor” Richard Perham
“this is the sort of race where you want to get to the winning line first” I just can’t remember who on one of the racing shows said it
“It’s a lovely sunny day here, in the studio” Ortis Deeley
You’re a Private Eye addict too I think Betlarge: the ‘Commentatorballs’ column is still very amusing, isn’t it
I don’t buy it so much nowadays but back in the day the Colemanballs section was the first thing I leafed to.
The “real ding dong when the bell goes” quote is just glorious.
Mike
Here’s the gems from the current edition:
“choice: do you go in between green and brown, or brown and green” John Virgo
“this is slightly easier than the last attempt, but just as tough” Dennis Taylor
“he was thrown into the lions den and just had to swim” Neil Warnock
“they’ll be doing carthorses if they get a draw at Southampton” Paul Merson
“the thing about Man City is they hardly ever win when they don’t score” Michael Owen
Private Eye have released a number of ‘Boobs’ books over the years which have had me crying with laughter. They’re all freely available on Amazon/Ebay for a couple of quid. Possibly my favourite of all time (for those of a certain age):
Daily Express Television Guide
BBC2
9.00pm Party Political Broadcast by The Liberal Party
9.10pm One Man And His DogMike
ted lowe on snooker(not sure if it was pot black or the world champs)
“For those of you watching in black and white,the pink is next to the green”
I got about to 20 of them and am crying laughing so i’ll compose myself and see the rest later – brilliant.
“Bill Frindall has done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator.”
(John Arlott — Cricket Commentator)I suspect that was Arlott taking the mickey out of Frindall!
Don’t forget our own Mark Johnston. I heard him interviewed about a winning 2-y-o filly and he said ‘We just need to take one step at a time up the ladder and keep both feet on the ground.’
Or Tommo interviewing Gary Bardwell: ‘Have you always been this small?’
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