- This topic has 46 replies, 20 voices, and was last updated 18 years, 1 month ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Jackane24,
Lot of promise in your article, but it needs a fair bit of fine tuning.
From some of your posts, you seem to be serious about a career writing about horses. If this is the case, and you haven’t done so already, I would seriously suggest to you to either do a degree, or at the very least, an access course.
Either of them will help you to both structure your writing more tightly, and help to make the word count more concentrated.
When you have to do an essay on something that you could write 10,000 words on, but are only allowed 1000 words, it really helps to keep you focused on the main point at hand, and not to go off on tangents, and witter on too much about unnecasary stuff.
Good luck with your endeavours.
Meshasheer, I believe I’ve read that in English/English, it’s acceptable to use the plural when referring to the members of a single body, such as Godolphin, generically; while in American English it isn’t accepted.
Over here, we’d typically say "U2 are a good band", while in America they’d say "U2 is a good band".
Similarly, we’d say "Arsenal are a good team this year" and the Americans would say "what’s Arsenal?".
Steve
:biggrin:  @ steve.
I don’t know if this will help, as everyone needs to develop their own style – and this may come across as patronising – but I think you need to work harder on preparation before you sit down to actually write.  Just blitzing it all out can be good in a spontaneous, stream-of-consciousness way, but you can sound quite breathless and confused.
I was taught to start out with a plan.  Draw a circle in the middle of a piece of paper and put in it your core idea – the central point you wish to make.  Look at it carefully and make sure this point is solid, original and interesting, maybe even controversial.  From your article, your core point appears to be ‘Godolphin aren’t as good as Coolmore‘, which frankly isn’t terribly original or controversial.  My angle might have been ‘Godolphin’s training methods are failing Darley‘.
Then draw lots of arrows leading out from your circle to the main points of your argument – in this case, ‘comparison with Coolmore/Ballydoyle‘, ‘overtraining‘, ‘lack of homebred success‘, ‘disappointing expensive purchases‘, ‘unlucky injuries‘, ‘success for other owners with Darley stallions‘ and so on.
You can then look at all your ideas and see connections (overtraining and injuries, for example) and also decide what you need to research for your argument (like figures for Coolmore stallions compared with Darley).
You can then order your points to decide how your article will be structured, which should make the writing flow better and help in avoiding repetition.
I’m sure lots of journalists would laugh at this idea of so much preparation, but I think it is a useful thing to learn when you are just starting out.  After practice it will become second nature and can be done all in your head. ÂÂÂ
Quote: from stevedvg on 8:46 am on Sep. 18, 2006[br] <br>Over here, we’d typically say "U2 are a good band", while in America they’d say "U2 is a good band".<br>
<br>…whereas here in Grayson Towers, we simply say "we hate U2".
gc<br>
(Edited by graysonscolumn at 4:36 pm on Sep. 18, 2006)
Adoptive father of two. The patron saint of lower-grade fare. A gently critical friend of point-to-pointing. Kindness is a political act.
Sal’s suggested method of brainstorming is one I’ve used in the past (for well thought out pieces when I’ve had time to do it) so I recommend it strongly. Of course if you have deadline pressures and are more experienced it does inevitably become second nature, I presume (not exactly amazingly experienced myself!)
Sorry to disagree with most on here but it seems to me nothing more than a complete anti-Godolphin pro-Coolmore rant, as Meshaheer already alluded to in her post. ÂÂÂ
"Being a Ballydoyle maniac" is a Jackane24 own admission from another thread which tends to confirm my view I believe.
He cleverly writes it as though it’s to be submitted for publication and to ensure everyone reads it, invites comments and corrections.  Hmmmm…..doesn’t wash with me I’m afraid.  Sorry me old mate…
If it’s anything more then perhaps you could enlighten us as to what you intend to do with it.
no hard feelings now…..:)
Lovely Lady – i am 18yo, have been a horse racing fan for almost 4 years, and attend meetings 3-4 times a month. Pretty damn good for someone with no job who is attending full-time education.
Racing is the only thing I love doing dearly. i went to 20 Arsenal home games a few years ago and ended up spending about £1400 on doing it. If you go racing, you can spend about £50-70, and at least you have a chance to win your money back. That is the view I took.
I have been a racing maniac for the past year, and I’m sure my passion shines through in the majority of my posts – probably this post more than any other.
I want to be involved in horse racing. I’m too tall to be a jockey, plus I only got into it 3 years ago – far too old to make a career out of it.
I’m not sure about being a trainer – possibly, but unlikely.
Being an owner – nothing less than a Magnier-like figure would do for me ;)
I love writing, and would like to make a career out of the 2 things I love doing. I speak my mind, and have never been afraid to do so.
If you think my thread is nothing more than PR for Coolmore and Ballydoyle, I think you are a very, VERY sad person. As I said, I’m 18 – many forumites on here are older and wiser than me. And not suprisingly, they know more than me. If I have made any mistakes, I want to be corrected. What is the point of school otherwise? You might as well say that 2 + 2 is 5 all your life.
Many of them will also have been reading the RP/Sporting Life on a daily routine for the lasr few years. They will know what to expect from an article, and also know the style they write in a whole lot better than me.
I actually think you are very pathetic for thinking what you do.
Thank you EC for seeing that.
Sal – Thank you so much for that idea. It’s a very clever idea, and will definitely be persuing it.
Similarly, thank you everyone who has given me tips. I’ve got pretty much the whole day free tomorrow, so I’ll take up a few hours improving the article, and hopefully improving me as a writer!
An NH article Grasshopper? Hmm….maybe if you can let me know how Milo is working at home I’d be tempted. :biggrin:
As for me leaving – well, feel privileged that I couldn’t live without stevedvg, EC, FSL, yourself, DJ et al ;)
Well done Jackane for, as someone on this thread has already pointed out, putting your article up for criticism/discussion here. That takes a certain amount of balls.<br>As a racing fan I found it intersesting enough but not galvanising. Sal’s advice is sound.<br>If I might add my two penn’orth.<br>Strings of (horses) names can become quite boring and, if you’re trying to get an article published, such an approach won’t help if your target publication only allows 2 – 3,000 words per article. <br>Find a publication you think might be interested in something you want to write about. Count the number of words they allow for non-resident writers and then try writing your article within that limit.<br>Make your "big punch" early on; first sentence if possible, but definitely within first paragraph.<br>In articles such as this one, although it is time consuming, use statistics where possible – they can make a point more effectively and in a shorter space than lots of words. E.G. Coolmore average number of runs per horse compared to Godolphin.<br>When doing a freelance article criticising a person / organisation make a point of saying something good about them. You have added a few positives here so well done.<br>When you’ve written your first draft, put it away for a few days and then re-read it afresh, it’ll scan differently than when you first did it and allow you to make the critical alterations (usually deletions) that an editor wouldn’t do before dashing off his rejection slip. <br>Re. your target publication. Make a note of their "house style". Do they use a numeral for all numbers or do they print the word ( 67 or sixty seven). Do they always use the number for 1 to 9 or print the word? Make a note of how they use quotation marks within quotation marks. Follow their style. Put paper, film, TV show, train and ship names in italics. (Okay – might not need many train names in articles about horses but you never know.)<br>Double line space your submissions.<br>You probably know most of this anyway. <br>(I used to be a proofreader /copy editor for a few publications many years ago – including a couple of horse racing ones.)<br> Good luck – there’s nothing wrong with ambition. Don’t be put off by rejections. Nearly everyone gets them.
Hopper, it may have been honest, and I encourage it definitely, but the way it was written was very rude and unnecessarily so. If she had said something like….’I feel the article is more of an advert for Coolmore than anything else and this put me off reading through to the finish’ I would have appreciated the comment and understood where she was coming from, but she didn’t – she started questioning my motive for posting it and even writing it, and i think that was quite pathetic.
Incidentally i was calling her post pathetic rather than her.
The article felt like a bit of a list at times, might have been better concentrating on one or two examples in more detail
Opening sentence and concluding are most important, especially opening, which sets the tone. Your opening line isnt…ahem…very good im afraid
For my money, words like "brilliant" should be used very sparingly. Understatement works better. Ask Alistair down ;) <br>
jackane24,
I gotta laugh.   Sweetheart,  the truth hurts.  Your initial post was a thinly disguised attempt at  drawing people in to agree with you under the offer of ‘making suggestions, corrections’.  Oh come on Jack,  if you had left Coolmore out of it I might have agreed with a lot of what you said, but no you had to bring them in, everything’s wrong with Godolphin and it’s all great about Coolmore  right ?? ÂÂÂ
If that’s your view then why not just say so and we can argue the rights and wrongs,  but to pretend, in my opinion, that you’ve got this fancy article that needs ‘looking at’…nah…sorry  sunshine., and you still haven’t told me what purpose this great article is for ???
Oh by the way, your diatribe addressed to me earlier was far better written than your first attempt on this thread, so obviously you’re a real fast learner there  – keep it up,  but I reckon Godolphin/Coolmore is to you a bit like Rangers/Celtic and haven’t we all heard enough o’ that!
Jack – much of what I say is tongue in cheek claptrap and if I’ve hurt yer feelings then I apologise but nevertheless  I stand by what I’m saying, so if you’re at Ascot on Saturday darling, look for the Keira Knightley lookalike in a pink hat and I’ll buy you a stiff drink and we’ll….make it up;)
ta ra xx
<br>oops…that should be Judi Dench, sorry<br>good evening Mr Gh, hope you’re keeping well, Sir.<br>EC –  hey Mr Motivator – no agendas, I just tell it as I see it.  lighten up on me,  puleeeeeeeezzzze! you’re one of the few I bother to read….apart from your crap about speed figures or some such. <br>anyhow, I promise to be awfully sensible on my next thread, alright?  and I’m sure you’re very sweet really:)
Good to read your confirmation, Steve. You couldn’t have put it more clearly. "Arsenal is a good team this year"!!!
Not that I think "this year" was necessary….
okok,  hands up!
"What do you mean crap about speed figures"
…’cos they make fools of us all.  Hope Cumin get’s something back for you on Saturday if it runs.  Good a chance as any in a moderate field.<br>
Quote: from Lovely Lady on 9:17 pm on Sep. 18, 2006[br]jackane24,
Oh come on Jack,  if you had left Coolmore out of it I might have agreed with a lot of what you said, but no you had to bring them in, everything’s wrong with Godolphin and it’s all great about Coolmore  right ?? ÂÂÂ
If that’s your view then why not just say so and we can argue the rights and wrongs,  but to pretend, in my opinion, that you’ve got this fancy article that needs ‘looking at’…nah…sorry  sunshine., and you still haven’t told me what purpose this great article is for ???
Well to be honest, I’d be shocked if anyone saw Godolphin as a stronger outfit than Coolmore as they currently stand. So yes, that’s pretty much what I’m saying, although not as black or white.
Coolmore/Ballydoyle have their problems of course. George, Scorpion, Rumplestiltskin, Chenchikova all have had problems this year. They’ve had less success than last year, and only really have 2 sires which they can use at Coolmore, in George Washington and Dylan Thomas.
Ivan D, Marcus A, Mountain, Tusculum, Aussie Rules are not good enough to go to stud there, so you have to look upon it as disappointing for Coolmore.
But what on earth do Godolphin have?
Librettist and Cherry Mix. The former will stand for around £30,000-40,000 at Darley, but Cherry Mix will only stand for around £10k-15k.
Compare that to the $500,000 that Coolmore will charge for George W to cover a mare, or $250,000 for Dylan T. The difference is massive.
And what is the article for? Well, you can answer that yourself by answering my question – what is the racing post written for?
I’d be very interested to hear your conspiracy theories on 9/11……
As for Ascot on Saturday, alas I will be there, and will certainly be on the look-out for a pink hat…..I do love a good confrontation :biggrin:
P.s. You got me excited there for a second – a Keira Knightly lookalike who likes racing!?!? You had to go and disappoint me……;)
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.