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Funny Stuff

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  • #697
    • Total Posts 3901

    From frasier of BF forum:

    10 reasons why characters from your local bookmakers will always remain a class above your average betfairian.

    1) whilst having a few bets in your local bookmakers, and due to circumstances beyond your control you unfortunately hit a bit of a losing run and find yourself over £30.000 out of pocket. the other customers tend not to gather around you like a pack of slobbering hyenas, laughing and pointing, calling you a mug and a loser, and telling you to give up the game for good you USELESS MUPPIT!!!!!

    2) although your local bookmakers is home to many a harmless lunatic. very few of them, if any. instigate detailed conversations with themselves for no particular reason

    man 1 "good morning my friend how are you today"?

    puts on huge rubber fake nose

    man 1 "fine thanks mate, i have just parked the fishing boat in the marina, and i find myself looking forward to another afternoon of top notch pro punting action.

    takes off huge rubber fake nose

    man 1 "indeed my friend, by the end of day we will hopefully be dining on lobster sandwiches and venison vindaloo once again……. etc etc

    3) while you are in your local betting shop doing your business. you are very unlikely to see thousands of little bots scurrying around the floor between races, collecting all the loose change they can find to take home to their unable to form an opinion, ive got a job so i havent got time to sit here all day, and i want some money for nothing anyway, masters.

    4) if a stranger suddenly appears in your local betting shop, and starts freely giving out tips on horses that in his opinion are certainties to lose, and the said horses are duly stuffed as predicted, then the chances are that the stranger will not suddenly take on a god complex, create a website and tell everyone that from now on his advice will cost you £30 a month in advance.

    5) when the above betting shop characters lucky streak finally comes to an end, usually after a month or so. it would be highly unusual for him to announce to everybody that hes leaving. only to come back the next day wearing a false beard, using a false name and declare himself to be the new messiah!

    6) if theres a character down your local bookies who people dont really take much notice of and hes feeling a little bit left out. only in very extreme circumstances would that person go home. put on a dress. give himself a girly name and start flirting with the more respected male characters in the hope of achieving some much needed popularity

    7) on a saturday, when things are a little busier than usual. its very unlikely that your local bookmaker will have a breakdown, and refuse to take or settle any bets for an hour or so while he gets his head together in the back room.

    8) whilst waiting patiently in the queue to place a bet in your local bookmakers, it would very unusual indeed if gangs of people suddenly started pushing and jostling ahead of you in the line, the closer you got to race time, frantically pleading with the bookmaker to take their £2 before anybody elses, even going as far as offering to accept much smaller odds than they would have to if they werent so pig ignorant, and they had just a tiny bit of patience and waited there proper turn like everybody else.

    9) if somebody in your local bookmakers was having a vague conversation with his mates about a horse that he thought might possibly have a slight chance of winning, and the said horse duly bolts home. your average betting shop customer would very seldomly go up to the man and start vigorously patting him on the back while saying " cheers mate, i have never seen you before, and i havent got a clue who you are, but i heard you mention such an such a horse so i stuck my last £50 on, cheers, you got me out of trouble big time "

    10) and finally. once the days racing is finished and your local bookmaker wants to lock up and go home. betting shop customers will very rarely refuse to leave the premises, instead opting to sit around in their y fronts until 3.o clock in the morning. playing helicopter, and telling each other what they just had for supper with their imaginery girlfriends.

    <br>back by not very popular demand.

    • Total Posts 2742

    <br>  I detected a slight inaccuracy…

     the bookmaker took home their Y fronts

    <br>   flatcapgamble…dogs are already controlling the planet :coolwink:

    • Total Posts 2065

    7) Is very possible in some Bookies unfortunately. Well if it’s been a stressful day what can you do…….

    • Total Posts 1708

    There are a few other things you miss out sitting at home on betfair.

    There is no chance that some Chinese girl will try to flog you some dodgy dvds.

    You will miss the chance to buy some stolen joint of meat or clothes from the local shoplifters.

    You will need to get someone to p**s all over the toilet seat before you can use it.

    You must surely regret not watching the latest 33/1 winner from Lucksin Downs.

    You need to get someone to wear the same old clothes day after day in order to capture the smell often associated with some of the regular betting shop punters.


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