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This Valentines Day i was working milking cows, got covered in dung and teat dip and smelt like a dairy farm….sexy!
…not as offputting as you might think…in fact, to some middle agers it might be quite a turn on…..I’m sorry if that alarms you a little.
Even more reason to avoid farms if possible!
It’s certainly not my idea of a great valentines day.I took my dearest too as casino…
during your night of horseradish sauce
did you play with chips or spuds ?Even more reason to avoid farms if possible!
It’s certainly not my idea of a great valentines day.…no, quite. Not mine either really, come to think about it…lol, but I’m sure you scrubbed up nice enough after
A friend of mine was moaning that he and his girlfriend were on rather rocky ground as she considered him to be addicted to sport at her expense. He was always watching horse racing, darts, football etc while his other half was forced to either endure it with him or entertain herself. When he spent Valentines evening watching Premier League Darts rather than spend it with the love of his life, she naturally took great exception. I suggested he book a table for two for the following evening and attempt to patch things up before it was too late.
He told me he’d booked the table for 8PM and I was surprised to receive a text from him within half an hour.
"I don’t think this is going to work" he wrote.
"Why?" I replied.
"She hasn’t potted a single red yet!!"
Brilliant Rory
The story was me and my g/f all over – right until the end that is. She’d have been two frames up within half an hour
Mike
A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing-eye dog one day They come to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man right out into the thick of traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.
The blind man and the dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket, which he offers to the dog. A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can’t control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!"
The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his head is, so I can kick his ass.
The thought of him raising his voice to a bellow on those last few words tickles me particularly!
Certainly
A blind man is walking down the street with his blind -dog one day. They come to a busy crossroads, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man right out into the thick of traffic. This is followed by the screech of tyres and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.
The blind man and the dog finally reach the safety of the pavement on the other side of the street, and the blind man pulls a biscuit out of his coat pocket, which he offers to the dog. A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can’t control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a biscuit? He nearly got you killed!"
The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his head is, so I can kick his a r s e
a man ended up in hospital today, covered in wood and hay, with a horse inside him…
…his condition is described as stable…
Blind man goes in a pub and picks his guide dog up and swings it around by its leg
Barman says "what are you doing that for?"
"just having a look round.."
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