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Read a whole page of his quips the other day and they made me laugh (I think his name was Tim Vine
)My mate at work has become fixated on making up his own..Any one got any good ones? I’ll start…
I raised the alarm at work the other day. The midgets were furious.
Last night I ate a cathode ray tube, a tuning dial and a set of antennae. I do love a TV dinner.
gc
Jeremy Grayson. Son of immigrant. Adoptive father of two. Metadata librarian. Freelance point-to-point / horse racing writer, analyst and commentator wonk. Loves music, buses, cats, the BBC Micro, ale. Advocate of CBT, PACE and therapeutic parenting. Aspergers.
My friends keep telling me they see bicuits flying overhead. Personally I think they’re all crackers.
I bought some HP sauce the other day. It’s costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years
"I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace". – Tommy Cooper…
I like Tim Vine he’s a very clever bloke and excellent with the one liners. As is key in comedy he’s very good at delivering them aswell. Like the one I’ve put above, it may not come across as that funny written down like that, but when a legend like Tommy Cooper is delivering it then all of a sudden it becomes a lot, lot funnier.
Stewart Francis, Milton Jones and Jimmy Carr are also very good with these type of gags IMO.
Two Blonds walked into a building. You would have thought one of them would have seen it! (Tommy Cooper)
I went to the doctor and said "that tastes of apples, that taste of pears, and that tastes of strawberries. He said "you’ve got fruit gums"
A friend of mine fell in love with two school bags : he’s bi- satchel,
Gambling Only Pays When You're Winning
Mr Column: I went on holiday to Somerset during a heatwave.
Mrs Column: Chard?
Mr Column: No, I used enough sunblock.
gc
Jeremy Grayson. Son of immigrant. Adoptive father of two. Metadata librarian. Freelance point-to-point / horse racing writer, analyst and commentator wonk. Loves music, buses, cats, the BBC Micro, ale. Advocate of CBT, PACE and therapeutic parenting. Aspergers.
Silly reports of pilots seeing pastry and apples from cockpit windows…Pie in the sky.
I can’t help but laugh uncontrollably at German philosophers and philologists. It’s just a Nietzchse-rk reaction.
gc
Jeremy Grayson. Son of immigrant. Adoptive father of two. Metadata librarian. Freelance point-to-point / horse racing writer, analyst and commentator wonk. Loves music, buses, cats, the BBC Micro, ale. Advocate of CBT, PACE and therapeutic parenting. Aspergers.
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