February 11, 2007 at 19:34 #4395dave jayMember
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The following is part ONE of a summary of the book "How to make your wife happy" by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed.
<br>1. Beautiful Reception<br>After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you:<br>* begin with a good greeting.<br>* Start with Assalamau ‘Aliaykum and a smile. Salam is a sunnah and a<br>du’aa for her as well.<br>* Shake her hand and leave bad news for later!
2. Sweet Speech and Enchanting Invitations<br>* Choose words that are positive and avoid negative ones.<br>* Give her your attention when you speak of she speaks.<br>* Speak with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands.<br>* Call her with the nice names that she likes, e.g. my sweet-heart,<br>honey, saaliha, etc.<br>3. Friendliness and Recreation<br>* Spend time talking together.<br>* Spread to her goods news.<br>* Remember your good memories together.
4. Games and Distractions<br>* Joking around & having a sense of humor.<br>* Playing and competing with each other in sports or whatever.<br>* Taking her to watch permissible (halal) types of entertainment.<br>* Avoiding prohibited (haram) things in your choices of entertainment.
5. Assistance in the Household<br>* Doing what you as an individual can/like to do that helps out,<br>especially if she is sick or tired.<br>* The most important thing is making it obvious that he appreciates her<br>hard work.
6. Consultation (Shurah)<br>* Specifically in family matters.<br>* Giving her the feeling that her opinion is important to you.<br>* Studying her opinion carefully.<br>* Be willing to change an opinion for hers if it is better.<br>* Thanking her for helping him with her opinions.
7. Visiting Others<br>* Choosing well raised people to build relations with. There is a great<br>reward in visiting relatives and pious people. (Not in wasting time<br>while visiting!)<br>* Pay attention to ensure Islamic manners during visits.<br>* Not forcing her to visit whom she does not feel comfortable with.
8. Conduct During Travel<br>* Offer a warm farewell and good advice.<br>* Ask her to pray for him.<br>* Ask pious relatives and friends to take care of the family in your<br>absence.<br>* Give her enough money for what she might need.<br>* Try to stay in touch with her whether by phone, e-mail, letters, etc..<br>* Return as soon as possible.<br>* Bring her a gift!<br>* Avoid returning at an unexpected time or at night.<br>* Take her with you if possible.
9. Financial Support<br>* The husband needs to be generous within his financial capabilities. He<br>should not be a miser with his money (nor wasteful).<br>* He gets rewards for all what he spends on her sustenance even for a<br>small piece of bread that he feeds her by his hand (hadeith).<br>* He is strongly encouraged to give to her before she asks him.
10. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification<br>* Following the Sunnah in removing hair from the groin and underarms.<br>* Always being clean and neat.<br>* Put on perfume for her.
11. Intercourse<br>* It is obligatory to do it habitually if you have no excuse (sickness,<br>etc.)<br>* Start with "Bismillah" and the authentic du’a.<br>* Enter into her in the proper place only (not the anus).<br>* Begin with foreplay including words of love.<br>* Continue until you have satisfied her desire.<br>* Relax and joke around afterwards.<br>* Avoid intercourse during the monthly period because it haram<br>* Do what you can to avoid damaging her level of Hiyaa (shyness and<br>modesty) such as taking your clothes together instead of asking her<br>to do it first while he is looking on.<br>* Avoid positions during intercourse that may harm her such as putting<br>pressure on her chest and blocking her breath, especially if you are<br>heavy.<br>* Choose suitable times for intercourse and be considerate as<br>sometimes she maybe sick or exhausted.
12. Guarding Privacy<br>* Avoid disclosing private information such as bedroom secrets, her<br>personal problems and other private matters.
13. Aiding in the Obedience to Allah<br>* Wake her up in the last third of the night to pray "Qiam-ul-Layl"<br>(extra prayer done at night with long sujood and ruku’ua).<br>* Teach her what you know of the Qur’an and its tafseer.<br>* Teach her "Dhikr" (ways to remember Allah by the example of the<br>prophet) in the morning and evening.<br>* Encourage her to spend money for the sake of Allah such as in a charity<br>sale.<br>* Take her to Hajj and Umrah when you can afford to do so.
14. Showing Respect for her Family and Friends<br>* Take her to visit her family and relatives, especially her parents.<br>* Invite them to visit her and welcome them.<br>* Give them presents on special occasions.<br>* Help them when needed with money, effort, etc..<br>* Keep good relations with her family after her death if she dies first.<br>Also in this case the husband is encouraged to follow the sunnah<br>and keep giving what she used to give in her life to her friends and<br>family.
15. (Islamic) Training & Admonition<br>This includes<br>* The basics of Islam<br>* Her duties and rights<br>* Reading and writing<br>* Encouraging her to attend lessons and halaqahs<br>* Islamic rules (ahkam) related to women<br>* Buying Islamic books and tapes for the home library
16. Admirable Jealousy<br>* Ensure she is wearing proper hijab before leaving house.<br>* Restrict free mixing with non-mahram men.<br>* Avoiding excess jealousy. Examples of this are:<br>1- Analyzing every word and sentence she says and overloading<br>her speech by meanings that she did not mean<br>2- Preventing her from going out of the house when the reasons are<br>just.<br>3- Preventing her from answering the phone.
17. Patience and Mildness<br>* Problems are expected in every marriage so this is normal. What is<br>wrong is excessive responses and magnifying problems until a marital<br>breakdown.<br>* Anger should be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah SWT, by<br>delaying prayers, backbiting, watching prohibited scenes on TV, etc..<br>* Forgive the mistakes she does to you (See item 18).<br>* How can you best correct her mistakes?<br>1- First, implicit and explicit advice several times.<br>2- Then by turning your back to her in bed (displaying your feelings).<br>Note that this does not include leaving the bedroom to another room,<br>leaving the house to another place, or not talking with her.<br>3- The last solution is (when allowable) lightly hitting her. In this<br>case, the husband should consider the following:<br>- He should know that sunnah is to avoid beating as the Prophet<br>PBUH never beat a woman or a servant.<br>- He should do it only in extreme cases of disobedience, e.g.<br>refusing intercourse without cause frequently, constantly not<br>praying on time, leaving the house for long periods of time<br>without permission nor refusing to tell him where she had been,<br>etc..<br>- It should not be done except after having turned from her bed and<br>discussing the matter with her as mentioned in Qur’an .<br>- He should not hit her hard injuring her, or hit her on her face or<br>on sensitive parts of her body.<br>- He should avoid shaming her such as by hitting her with a shoe,<br>etc.
18. Pardoning and Appropriate Censure<br>* Accounting her only for larger mistakes.<br>* Forgive mistakes done to him but account her for mistakes done in<br>Allah’s rights, e.g. delaying prayers, etc..<br>* Remember all the good she does whenever she makes a mistake.<br>* Remember that all humans err so try to find excuses for her such as<br>maybe she is tired, sad, having her monthly cycle or that her<br>commitment to Islam is growing.<br>* Avoid attacking her for the bad cooking of the food as the Prophet PBUH<br>never blamed any of his wives for this. If he likes the food, he eats<br>and if he doesn’t then he does not eat and does not comment.<br>* Before declaring her to be in error, try other indirect approaches that<br>are more subtle than direct accusations<br>* Escape from using insults and words that may hurt her feelings.<br>* When it becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have<br>privacy from others.<br>* Waiting until the anger has subsided a bit can help to keep a control<br>on your words.February 11, 2007 at 22:06 #104578gambleParticipant
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<br> Does he sell a workout video with this ?February 12, 2007 at 09:28 #104579dave jayMember
- Total Posts 3386
I believe so, although you cant see what anyone is doing because they are under some sort of portable tent.
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