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Health & Safety Rules – Have we gone mad in this country (from News of The World and a new book called Playing It Safe)
A school has banned pencil cases in case they contain sharp objects like…a pencil.
Wet T-Shirt competition banned because the girls might catch a cold.
Derby market traders have been banned from selling candles unless they have a "fire hazard" warning on them.
Officials at Britain’s biggest offshore wind farm near Rhyl closed it down when it gets too windy.
Some others I found Torbay wants to ban their famous "palm trees" in case the leaves poke someone in the eye.
A school in Stockport has banned knotted ties now pupils have to wear clip ons.
Some Firemen are banned from fitting smoke alarms because they are banned from climbing ladders in case they fall and hurt themselves.
We have two new posters on our noticeboards at work, produced (probably at considerable expense) by our HR directorate.
One features a slightly arty graphic of a neck brace on a man and instructs me that I should look where I’m going, whilst the other tells me to take care when using stairs.
Thanks, guys!
I tend to find the vast majority of "political correctness/bureaucracy gone mad" articles in tomes like the NOTW to be decidedly disingenuous. Don’t you?
I’d say so, Rory.
Jeremy Grayson. Son of immigrant. Adoptive father of two. Metadata librarian. Freelance point-to-point / horse racing writer, analyst and commentator wonk. Loves music, buses, cats, the BBC Micro, ale. Advocate of CBT, PACE and therapeutic parenting. Aspergers.
H+S is the latest hot subject at work and amongst the plethora of mandatory online courses people must do another couple were brought to my attention as someone who works away from the office a lot and from home at times
apparently i need to do the H+S course that will teach me about being safe out of the office so i dont have an accident walking between pubs and also arrange for a H+S risk assessment for my home workplace to make sure that it is safe and free from hazard, although i doubt if this will contain questions such as ‘do you have a safe place to rest your tea and toast whilst lying in bed playing poker on your laptop’ or ‘is the remote control for switching between RUK and ATR within easy reach of your pillow’
my brother-in-law trains people in H+S amongst other things and makes a damn good salary and motor out of ‘training’ people in the bleeding obvious
Our industry is a world leader in H+S and environmental standards, we have moved most of our production to stone age third world countries and our responsibility is to inform them of the requirements. If they then choose to completely ignore it, we are not liable for the consequences.
Clever stuff this globalisation ..
Apparently, so I was told by someone, that they saw a Packet of Peanuts showing the Following : “WARNING – Contains Nuts”. Now I do say apparently, but if true, words fail me………
Another I saw recently was in PC World on the pack of a Sony Sat-Nav, which stated “Do Not Operate Whilst Driving”. I know what they meant, but it made me smile a little.
Apparently, Last year a council put a fence around an apple tree in a park, just in case someone sat under it and got hit on the head by a falling apple. Wonder what Newton might have made of that one???
Actually Alchemist, not being one to pass up the opportunity to prove myself e’er the pedant, there are NO nuts in a packet of so-called ‘peanuts’. They are leguminous vegetables…
Could have done with some H & S today.
Fell off ladder, landed in bush.
Ahh. A soft landing I thought.
Then ladder landed on me.
But don’t worry fans.
I’ll be back to work tomorrow.
Health & Safety abounds here … Here anyone can sit in the back of a truck! They do this all the time – imagine if it stopped suddenly? They’d all fly out.
This is a good truck it has a bit of cover for them.
The 60 stands for the speed they can go (kms) and the 10 means they can carry 10 people!
Something familiar?
Details have been released regarding Britain’s next generation of
fighting ships: the Royal Navy is proud of the cutting edge capability
of the fleet of Type 45 destroyers. Costing *750 million, they have
been designed to meet the needs of the
21st century; in addition to state of the art technology, weaponry, and
guidance systems, the ships will comply with the very latest employment,
equality, health & safety and human rights legislation. They will be
able to remain at sea for several months and positively
bristle with facilities. For instance, the new user-friendly crow’s nest
comes equipped with wheelchair access. Live ammunition has been replaced
with paintballs to reduce the risk of anyone getting hurt and to cut
down on the number of compensation claims. Stress counsellors and
lawyers will be on duty 24hrs a day, and each ship will have it’s own
onboard industrial tribunal. The crew will be 50/50 men and women, and
balanced in accordance with
the latest Home Office directives on race, gender, sexuality and
disability. Sailors will only have to work a maximum of 37hrs per week
in line with Brussels Health & Safety rules: even in wartime! All bunks
will be double occupancy, and the destroyers will all come
equipped with a maternity ward and crèche, situated on the same deck as
the Gay Disco.
Tobacco will be banned throughout the ship, but cannabis will be
allowed in the mess. The Royal Navy is eager to shed its traditional
reputation for "Rum, Sodomy and the lash"; out goes the occasional rum
ration which is to be replaced by Perrier water, although sodomy remains
this has now been extended to include all ratings under 18. The lash
will still be available but only by request. Condoms can be obtained
from the Bosun in a variety of flavours, except
Capstan Full Strength.
Saluting officers has been abolished because it is elitist, it is to be
replaced by the more informal "Hello Sailor". All notices on boards
will be printed in 37 different languages and
braille.
Crew members will no longer be required to ask permission to grow
beards or moustaches, even the women. The MOD is working on a new "Non
specific" flag based on the
controversial British Airways "Ethnic" tailfin design, because the white
ensign is considered to be offensive to minorities. Sea Trials are
expected to take place soon, when the first of the new
destroyers HMS Cautious, sets out on her maiden mission it will be
escorting boat loads of illegal immigrants across the channel to ports
on the south coast. The ship is due to be launched soon in a ceremony
conducted by Laila
Ghaled from the Finsbury Park Mosque who will break a petrol bomb over
the hull. The ship will gently slide into the water to the tune of "In
the Navy" by the Village People played by the Royal Marines. The Prime
Minister said that "While the ships reflect the very latest
of modern thinking they were also capable of being up-graded to comply
with any new legislation. His final words were "Britain waives the
rules!"
This is a good truck it has a bit of cover for them. 
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