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I’ve had a s**t
week; even worse than Goodwood. Antepost bets in the bin, three short heads against, and to top it off, I get sucked into the Japanese Arc raider for large. Hype, huh!I’ve had my last bet of this crappy season. I’m a basket case. I’m taking up singing outside the bath with the intention of applying for 25 plus X-Factor.
But anyroad…
Earlier today, I threatened to slap my lad’s football coach. My lad plays U-10’s and is a regular substitute. A real David Fairclough. He’s not particularly good, but he’s an enthusiast and a likeable boy. He lives in hope that one day he might start and improve like the rest of the team.
I’ve had words before with the coach about this state of affairs, this permanent substitute thing. The coach seems to believe he is Jose Mourinho. Except a lot fatter. (Quite amazingly fat actually. His girth is quite remarkable. I can’t decide whether his belly is the result of a birth defect, slow metabolism, doner kebabs or beer, but it is nonetheless impressive.).
I drive an hour to the game and an hour back. Then I drive home with my lad depressed that he got five minutes. This is in  2006 when everyone plays footie; girls, the disabled, everyone. Twenty minutes on – rotations, everyone involved. Win-win for the young uns. People belong, share, are happy.
Unfortunately, Jose the Obese has THE Lombardo Quote about winning being everything on a card he carries about with him. These are nine year olds, I say. It really doesn’t matter. While he won’t say anything to my face, he disagrees by his actions.
This morning, he brought two new players in. Neither, (it transpires) as good as my lad.  They have never trained and are related to other player’s families. My lad has never missed a session, training or match.
At half time, he puts on the two new players. Seething, I take El Fatto to one side and threaten unprintable things. I lost it a bit.  Sorry. Maybe it was the bet on DI, about three times my usual single stake.  Or maybe it was my lad’s face as he realised that the man who runs the team didn’t fancy him as a football player and never will do.
But I gave him what for and was one look from my little un away from planting him. Instead, I took my lad off the field and drove home without looking back.
Anyone been in this situation?  Was I wrong? Should kids have an equal amount of playing time or is the competitive ethos important to future generations of footballers? Is Sport about winning or participating?
Your thoughts are appreciated.
Cheers
Max
Difficult one this Max.
My lad Travis, who one or two of the members here have run into on the TRf poker table, went to three training sessions as a seven year old before becoming so disillusioned by the tantrums of the ‘coach’ that he refused to go back. In the end I don’t think it was his game, as he has never shown any interest, before or since, in events at Easter Road or Hampden, or anywhere else for that matter and, to be honest, he has been the better for it in many ways.
However, the point is that the coaching at primary school level in the UK is quite often appalling.
I’d suggest that if your lad enjoys playing you scout around local clubs, go along on your own and watch a game or two and enrol him with a club where you are happy with the coaching set-up.
I’d have probably shown less self restraint but then again I can be a proper idiot.
Your son is at a hugely impressionable age and while I’m the last person to be offering such advice your actions will most likely go a long way to determining how he turns out when he’s older.
While no-one wants their children to grow up being submissive, surely you wouldn’t want him to have the attitude that violence will solve the problem.
You putting the coach on his ar5e isn’t going to help the situation any – okay it will make you feel a lot better most likely.
Probably best to look around for other teams but on the other hand I’ve played a fair amount of weekend football and coaches tend to come and go fairly regulary, so in a year or so you may be in a different situation.
That long at this stage though could end up being detrimental to your son’s confidence.
P.S – Yes I have a son who is football mad himself and I’d prefer to see him involved in a lesser team rather than spend every week being sub. Just think – in a month or so it’s going to start getting bloody freezing. No time to be standing round for 100 mins+
Good luck.
Lee
I’m a football Dad and a referee for most of our teams games, I know exactly what you are talking about .. some of the people that get into coaching youngsters football, shouldn’t be doing it really.
They fall mainly into 3 categories..
A.The ones that are okay and just want to get their kids out of the house and enjoy a kick around.<br>B.The ones that want their kids noticed by a better team and then get their children playing with Celtic or Rangers, youth sides.<br>C.The failed footballers who are playing out their own fantasies through their kids and think that they are coaching ManU and not a kids squad
I think that the coach there doesn’t like your boy and you should get moved before it damages his confidence. You ranting won’t help your boy and if you thump the coach he won’t be playing football anywhere. They will ban him because of your behaviour. If your lad is half decent he’ll get into another team and if he doesn’t then maybe it’s not for him.
I don’t agree with your assumption that because it’s 2006 that we should be playing win/win and everyone gets a game and all that. The world and life just isn’t like that and trying to pretend that it is only encourages kids to grow up to have unrealistic expectations, instead of concentrating on what they are good at and getting on with it. ÂÂÂ
Good luck anyway .. !<br>
The problem is that there is too much emphasis on competition for young players. 9 year olds shouldn’t even be playing competitive football, certainly not in any organised structure. Personally, I would ban all structured competitive football for kids up to the age of 16 and I would certainly demand that anyone involved in coaching them is qualified up to the eyeballs. Instead of haring around a muddy field twice a week kicking lumps out of each other, they should be learning skills and improving technique. The average British footballer is tough, competitive but technically incompetent because from about the age of seven they’ve been playing two or three games a week. That time on a Saturday or Sunday would be better spent learning skills with perhaps a five a side game at the end, as they do in Brazil.
The problem is that you have entered your son into the world of a cheating, lying, attention seeking, money grabbing, Russian money run game called football.
What more do you expect?
Try and get him into "sport". You never know. He might start to enjoy it!
His Mum’s banned him from going racing, team. Thinks it will turn him into a gambler in later life.
I took him racing from a really early age. He can read a formbook and knows the Grades on a Greyhound card. He also knows that a sprinter has a bigger arse than a stayer:biggrin:
One great day at Donny, he ran along the long rows of bookies looking for a price for me. I was proud of him.:biggrin: *tear in eye*.
No, he loves football. Absolutely loves it. For all it’s faults.
Thank’s for your responses. I appreciate it. It was pretty turbulent on Sunday. I feel guilty about nearly planting the coach one because of the kids around and it isn’t the way I do business, but at least I didn’t do it.
How, I don’t know.
I’m looking for a new team for him this week. If needs be, I’ll start one up.
Dave, I understand where you’re coming from about competition, but I tend to lean towards Aranalde’s view. In Holland, they minimise competition for this age group and concentrate on skills and participation.
Also, non-traditional groups are well represented, much like the US model. I’ve got connections in America and I’d LOVE my lad to be over there. Everyone gets involved on matchday and everyone gets a game.
Because of the FA structure here, with leagues and championships and awards nights etc, lesser-talented, enthusiastic lads like my Son are excluded by default.
There is no doubt that the coach wants to win and so do the parents of the others. My lad just wants to play.
So we’ll see. Do you think it would change the standard of football in this country at higher levels if we adopted a less competitive model? I don’t know so much.
Sounds to me Max as though you might want your son to be the next best thing!
I did with my son, but trust me, let him do his own thing. He will find his own sport. It might not be racing, as you tried that at his early age.
Honest mate. It doesn’t look like football will be his thing!
Did the same thing with my son.
RUGBY! was his future. I played it at quite a good level, so I thought he could do better. He liked it, but it wasn’t for him.
After that he tried football. Made the school team, but didn’t take to it. (thankfully). Cricket was next. Was man of the match twice, could bowl and bat, but was the wrong colour for the local team. (surname wasn’t Singh or Shah) But dont take me there!
Now he’s into golf!
He’s 13 and will be a better player than me. He enjoys it.
Thats the thing you want to ask yourself. Does he really enjoy football?
I dont think he does!
Especially when he sees his dad trying to fight the coach whom he is trying to impress.
Competitive Dad syndrome?????????????????<br>
LOL:biggrin:  I wish you were right Lollies, but unfortunately his Grandad, Uncle and Dad were all similarly mediocre at football and I knew from an early age that he had inherited the genes.
I’ve never had any expectations for him football wise. I’ve only one expectation for him; that he’s happy.
Funnily enough, his Mum mentioned egg-chasing yesterday and although there is zero family history or experience, I’d support him. I hope he does find his sport.
Just as a point of order, I’m the least competitive bloke on Earth, btw, Lollies. The only wins that really count in my worldview are those achieved by racing animals.
Big problem with unfairness and discrimination though, which is what my Son faced here.;)
I don’t have kids but my dad managed a kids football team for years and the one thing he says he will never miss is the parents. Not a dig at you Max but the guy is not being paid for running the team he’s doing it because he wants to. Generally when you want to do something you want to be good at it and win.. Sometimes that is obviously to the detriment of peoples feelings. The situation is just as hard for the manager I would say..
I also have disagree that kids shouldn’t be playing competitively at that age. I was brought up in Newcastle and played for Walker boys, our arch rivals were Wallsend. At under 10’s when we beat them the local pub landlord gave everyone footballs because they were so pleased we won. That taught me that winning was important, my coach at the time taught me that winning was important, the further south you go the worse political correctness gets. The whole "it’s the taking part that counts" garbage that gets spewed out is nonsense if you ask me.. Political correctness gone mad. As far as i’m concerned that ethos tells kids that as long as they show up and pay lip service to something thats alright. How does that prepare you for the real world? In my job my boss doesn’t thank me for turning up, he thanks me for doing something well. Competition teaches people to push themselves and strive for something. The Aussy sports culture is a classic case of this working. The Americans are pretty much the same.. In schools I think kids should find out what they’re good at and then focus on that at GCSE…
Sorry, rant over…..
Its got nothing to do with political correctness, its to do with producing skilled footballers. We have the most competitive football on the planet and yet our top players can barely string two passes together. Brazilian clubs take players at a very young age and ensure that they don’t play too much and spend more time learning the skills of the game.
You mentioned Australia and the USA. How many times have either of those nations won the World Cup?
I wasn’t talking about the infrastrcuture in football I mean t sport in general and ethos we promote nationally.
Take our population versus Australia and given the wealth of our nation and the infrastructures in place, why are we producing less and less successful athletes in comparison? The difference in relative terms is probably huge.
I used to co-manage girls cricket teams (under 13s, under 15s and administration for the county side).
The management had the dilemma each week – do we pick the side that has the best chance of winning, or do we ‘rotate the strike’ so everyone has equal games.
On one hand, winning (or at least playing well) boosts confidence for the whole squad, encourages the team to train harder to made the side, and fosters and sustains interest in the club.  Success for the team should be the best thing for all the members of the club.
But, allowing everyone a game encourages loyalty, rewards hard work, gives everyone a chance to prove themselves, means those on the fringes don’t give up hope and drift away and encourages real team spirit where everyone has something to contribute.
I always tended to the latter approach – ours was a new club and needed to build a larger base of players rather than constantly relying on a core team.  I hated kids turning up for training week after week and never being rewarded with a game.  But compromise was always necessary – changing the team every week and having too many weak players resulted in a long and demoralising losing streak.
Finding the happy medium was difficult. We were lucky that we had terrific, understanding parents, particularly of the more talented kids – they were willing to get their kids to volunteer to skip a game to allow someone else in their place.
Might have to start this all over again soon – my little boy (2-and-a-half) has just been invited on his first football training course….
My 11 yr old starts his first game indoors on Wednesday evening. He’s not as skilled as some, but will make a decent enough player at a local level in time.
I’m getting on a bit now and still play, but will openly admit that I find it tough against the youngsters these days. They are so much fitter and faster……….as I once was myself.
Over here we have a system that I think would solve a lot of the problems mentioned. We have in both indoors and outdoors, rotating subs. Players come off and on at will, it gives everybody a chance to play, no sitting on the sidelines and getting a token 10 minutes at the end nonsense. Some like to stay on, or get ‘persuaded’ to take a turn off during the game and some like to get off for 10 minutes. It was a bit strange for me initially, but I can appreciate the value of it now.
I also play mixed indoor, mixed outdoor and also in a men’s league. All are competitive at this standard and don’t be fooled by the mixed soccer, our girls indoor are more than a match for the guys and they look far from Russian shot putters!!!
I’m sure the rotating sub system wouldn’t occur in the staid, traditional English rep’ soccer, but it would sure help your lad and eliminate a long disappointing drive home. You could always move over here, soccer is exploding!!!
The idea is to encourage, not discourage.
Griff.
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