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Hurry back Bill, this place is getting pretty rough and needs some discipline…. Matron appears to be spending a lot of time in his office and I can hear squeals of pain emanating from the same place…… I also note that Nathan is absent….. are the two interlinked, I wonder…… when you get back, you had better check the wellbeing of Nathan, I’m worried for him…. the last time I saw him he was in Matron’s shop purchasing some Tena Pads, it’s possible that he’s been injured by his forays into the recesses of Ward 7’s basement and the Tena’s are to prevent leakage…. it shouldn’t happen to one so young and Matron must accept some responsibility for his actions…..
It could be perfectly innocent though Bill and I might be jumping to the wrong conclusion…. it could be that Nathan is getting himself overly excited at the prospect of your return and the leakage that he is experiencing is not of the urinary type…. we can only hope that his wait is not much longer….. looking forward to your return Billy…..
MrE
So, Bill is on his annual trip to the nether regions.
Nice to see you around MrE.
Regards
You’re not far away with what you say MrE……….
There has definitely been some leakages happening in recent weeks. I only half closed one of the drainage bags before bed the other night, which left a messy puddle on the carpet.
Also, like yourself I’ve suffered with the odd spout of gout in the past and it’s left my hands a little crooked, Matron never complains but that’s beside the point.
Anyway I have to hook/unhooked myself up to this machine at night and you have to unscrew this twist clamp so the fluid can go in and out and all that, so with my hands as numb as Billions boomerang I’ve turned this twist clamp a little to much and I thought I heard something crack inside of it. I thought nothing of it and went to sleep. Morning arrives and I do up the twist clamp and unhook myself from the machine only for the dialysis fluid to start pi$sing out of the end of the catheter, I had broke it with my heavy handedness. Luckily I had the bucket I use for a potty nearby so I hovered over that whilst connecting to another drainage bag.
So I reckon if I plaster these tena pads all over the bedroom floor any more accidents and they could save the carpet.
Another idea is instead of linking up to a drainage bag I could let it fill up a few bottles and sell um to Billion as Scrumpy……….
Gaelic Warrior Gold Cup Winner 2026
Matron….. I’m always around and having a read of the forum, but I don’t post as much now because it all becomes stale and I get fed up repeating stuff that I said last year and the year before and the year before that etc. etc….. if one took the serious posts of mine, they will see what it’s all about and I’m always prepared to discuss or help any of ’em, but lets face it, these young ‘uns have it all at their fingertips with instant appraisals online and tipsters telling them that they can win 100’s of points a month, I get wazzed off with punching thin air…. so it’s up to them to find the right path themselves…. I’m still winning with the methods that I posted up eons ago and I tend to think that any newcomers to the Systems Section fail to realise that the majority of the stuff that they find has been dealt with 10 years ago…. I think our old mate Formath will agree that there’s nothing new, everything that is going now was going a decade ago, a case of been there and done that…. this is the hardest game in the world if your not just playing, if you want to make a living out of it…. don’t try….. it’s just bookie fodder…..
I’m making money, and me and Bill converse quite regular my email about it, and old Billy ‘Un will tell you, it’s frigging hard… but most of the newcomers don’t listen, they’ll hear about stupid systems that are accompanied by equally stupid staking plans and then follow that crap as if their lives depended on it….
There is what is supposed to be the most successful system around, all the big names are touting it and promoting it and it concerns betting favs…. it has a phenomenal Strike Rate of 97% (the clue is there), it requires a 30pt bank a day… as stated it has a 97% S/R, that means that it loses 3 days out of every 100 days, pretty good you might think…. but at 30pts a day, those 3 days represent a loss of 90pts… that means that the system wins 1pt for 97 days (97pts)… end result is a profit for sure, no problem about that, but it’s only +7pts for every 100 days… that’s over 3 months betting for a 7pt profit and the system is still being promoted…. is everybody bloody blind???….. this is one of my many reasons for staying in the background now, it’s a failure to listen…. let ’em find out for themselves because they don’t listen anyway….. I think that most gamblers are masochistic, they like to be hurt, pain awakens some excitement within them…. gamblers are not normal, they are oblivious to pain, it’s either that, or they are just plain stupid….. I would have thought that this forum (and other forums like it) would have warned ’em, but no, they still have that feeling to dip their fingers into the fire just to see if those glowing coals are as hot as they look….. the result i hundreds of burnt fingers…..
MrE
Nathan old friend….. it hurts me to see that Billy’s absence has that sort of effect on you….. OK, I can understand that Bill’s words may sometimes incur some wrath and make you want to empty your bladder, but to have the temerity to relinquish bowel control just because you miss him is going too far my friend… the mind boggles….
I must admit that sometimes Billy’s wayward approaches to our everloving Grotty leaves a lot to be desired and he should keep his personal fantasies to himself, in that respect he is quite naughty, but you have to be true to your word Nathan, it is expected…. you said in my presence, that if Billy the Skirt was ever overcome with emotion, you, as a mate, would be willing to take him in hand and guide him through that particular difficulty…. OK, neither you nor I expected it to be a daily occurrence, but a promise is a promise, and I would expect you to fulfill Billy’s wishes…. it shouldn’t take long cos he is 107 years of age…. if that’s still a problem, then Matron will always be keen to give a helping hand….
MrE
Billion will be home soon, he sent me a postcard which came through this morning.
Ward 7
Hi guys I’m missing you all very much, we took a detour on the way to Spain and spent a night in Amsterdam, the hotel was a little grotty and the light bulb in our room went bang the moment I turned it on. I went to complain but something got lost in translation and I was sent to a place called the red light zone, I wont tell you what happened but the girls there all had bigger boomerangs then myself…….
Then on we went to viva espana. The first morning I was sunbathing in the buff at the nudist beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, I had a hat over my private parts. A woman walked past and said, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you’d lift your hat." I raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren’t so ugly it would lift itself". That was the 1st black eye I received.
Nathan I should of took your advice about not going to a foreign land and go around boosting, it cost me dear, as the Spanish locals are hard as hell in alot more ways than 1. There was I telling them all "I’m the poster of the year" only for the second time in a week I was to find out my words had been lost in translation. It was a very painful experience as they had thought I had said "I take it in the rear".
My eyes, balls and boomerang have never been so black, next year I’m going to just go to Butlins.
Be gentle on my return see you all soon. Billion.
Gaelic Warrior Gold Cup Winner 2026
Nathan….. I was devastated when I read that missive from our very own Billion, it hurts me to picture his poor botty being the same shape and shade of red as those monkeys at the zoo… in saying that, I have to admit that the likeness between both those primates are astonishing in their accuracy…. but, between you and me, I think that the uncomfortable state of Billy’s posterior is going to be a talking point for a few weeks upon his return…. you must realise that Matron his bound to have him stuck in quarantine until the swelling in Billy’s rear end goes down…. Matron will be at his bedside night and day applying cold compresses…. I think that’s what he calls ’em…. but I’ve never heard of ’em being used like that….
MrE
Don’t worry Bill, I know your going to be stuck in quarantine for a while but I’ve been to the shop and bought a few things so that we can all visit you…………
http://wwwdelivery.superstock.com/WI/223/1555/PreviewComp/SuperStock_1555R-147002.jpg
Gaelic Warrior Gold Cup Winner 2026
Now now chaps behave yourselves.
Away in body I may have been but it looks as if not in spirit.
It sounds as if
Matron
has been busy sorting out all these body malfunctions and it is good to know I am not the only one to have leakages.
A Tena for Bill – I really thought there was a misspelling and it was meant to be "A Tenner" but with my dear old prostrate "cocking" up the works I guess
MrE
has been looking into his crystal ball again but lets hope the next time he looks into it he might find us all a winner.
Billy's Outback Shack
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