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The armchair punter and C4.
Love it. hate it, better or worse
Lump it, dump it, it’s could never be worse.
Thommo’ Fat Al, Posh Bird and Big Mac
All pure gold, I wish you were back.
Billy's Outback Shack
Steve –
When ‘id comes ’til chaikids,
I’m choosy where ah hing id,
I will’na go for any peg,
Not anywhere ah’ll sling ‘id.Now Gok may think hey’s struck id,
thinks hid’s his lucky day,
But Corky, he hes ither plans,
Ah dinna swing Wan’s way.Horsted Keynes looked a bit of a banker.
But the ride couldn’t be any ranker.
Many Horses to pass.
Jockey’s head up his ass.
Oi, Spencer you useless damn w…..Thanks for the good crack. Time for me to move on. Be lucky.
Here’s my effort
The Duel in the Bar
It began when Clare Balding entered the pub
and knocked over John Francome’s beer
"Hey, mind where you’re going you butch old moo …
with your bungling beefy rear"Miss Balding was having none of it
and instantly seen red.
"Oh comb your hair you skanky man"
and slapped Mr Francome’s head.John shot up in a state of rage
and seized an empty bottle.
Clare was fast and grabbed his throat
and attempted a full-on throttle.Nick Luck quickly intervened
and tried to calm things down.
But Thommo wanted to see the fight
and became the commentary clown…"Clare moves well and looms up alongside.
She’s going to strangle him! … or will she?
Francome is pumping away but still upsides.
He’s swinging the bottle! … or is he?"Crisps and peanuts littered the floor.
Customers fled like cattle
as John and Clare wrestled like mad
in the heat of deadly battle.Francome’s bottle flew from nowhere.
Cunningham was quick to duck.
Jim McGrath, with eyes wide shut,
was the bugger who got struck.Clare trapped John in a headlock
and yanked out tufts of hair.
"I’ll strip your scalp till the cows come home
until your head is sore and bare!"Twisting ‘n’ grappling. Moaning ‘n’ groaning.
Francome wriggled free.
He staggered across to Emma Spencer
who smiled with horny glee."Help me Princess Emma.
How do I beat Clare? …
She wasted my pint of bitter
and now she’s wrecked my hair!"Emma gave a crafty grin …
"Take my silk stocking and add this wilja spud.
Turn them into a sling
and see Miss Balding go thud"Francome rushed his makeshift sling
and spun it with all his might.
He then released it suddenly
and watched it take fast flight.As Clare aggressively stomped forward
like a buffalo about to give chase,
the potatoe bounced off her temple…
a pseudo coup de grace.Creaking. Swaying. Wilting.
Miss Balding dropped on her bum
like a quivering, spaced-out drunkard
who swilled too much red rum.Thommo finished his commentary…
"Francome is back on the mend.
Francome is buying another pint … or is he?
Wins nicely in the end"I prefer jumps to flat
how about that?
Cormack prefers flat to jumps
along with many other chumps
This is my short notice effort
and will definitely be betteredOne vote per poster, 31 days to vote.
Aaronizneez
Parading as they
Await their partners, some
Dipping their heads, some
Dragging their grooms
Others relaxed as
Connections look on
Keeping the faith
Minutes to go before the
Off a leg
Up is offered and
Now is the time
To take the reins
Colours aplenty
As each runner
Navigates
Their way as
Easily as possible to
Reach the start
Led up by a handler
One after another
Are locked away as
Destiny waits
Out they thunder
Forward, urgently
Feeling the
Ground
As they
Lengthen and
Lengthen again in
Order to claim the
Prize
Resolute to the
End the
Supreme effort
Undertaken will
Live with many
ThereafterBachelors Hall
Horsey horsey horse,
Horsey horsey horsey horse,
Horsey horsey horse.Lone Wolf
Angry little men with hats
Clutching onto whips
Victor grins at maurice
The winner cashes his chipsTreve wins by 7 lengths
But nobody gives a [expletive]
Tarquins tweets had a list
With no frogs names on itBritanias German granny arrives
in a splendant carriage
The duke by her side
But the wheels abruptly creek to a halt
As he notices a coloured fellow outsideI say old chap you must be lost
I musnt cause a ruckus
But zimbabwe is 4000 miles that way
You may borrow my compassThis fellow is always smiling
Never does he look sad
In a voice as posh as the dukes
He says my name is rishi persadWhisperss elizabeth to phillip angrily
I’ll never bring you here again
That man is not from zimbabwe
Its that trevor mcdonald from news at tenAll the while a middle aged 70 year old woman
Is on a recconaissance mission
To regain the confidence of youth back
Until she is ushered in front of a camera
For gok wan to mock shoes and hatRace and class wars ensue
Assaults commonplace
With high heels and bottles of beer
As chemical grimthorpe with his perma puzzleed exepression
Proclaims theres nothing to see here
These people will improve for the outing
We suspect they will behave 20 pounds better next yearTriptych
Destiny
*******
Take the brightest star at night
add a dash of Kryptonite
mix together then infuse
a lightning bolt into his shoesHenry gazed upon the foal
knowing this to be his goal
and hoped that he would live to see
the colt fulfill his DestinyNathan Hughes
In his giorgio armani
TAPK looks as sharp as a knife
his boots are very so shiny
with the reflection some may lose a life
or eyesight‘gorgeous’
Nathan looking dapper
twenty pound Matalan suit
wearing his fathers shoes
and free work trousers to boot‘gorgeous’
Wearing just a gravy stained vest
and a brown dirty nappy
with a system book in hand
and looking quite happynits in his hair for accessory
this look is worth a million
he’s 108 years old you know
and he goes by the name of billion‘gorgeous’
Lone Wolf, pink shirt
shoes and socks
quite gay,
I say‘absolutely gorgeous’
Has this chap ventured to cognac
maybe cider or been in a fight
possibly got dressed in the dark
at around half past mid-night‘simply gorgeous’
take a peek
at this onesie
a must keep
from gamble
white and
fluffy
just like a sheep‘gorgeous’
This is the eloquent Moehat
she makes the queen look tramp like
her Newcastle hat is top class
and her trainers are Nike‘pure gorgeous’
This sophisticated 1965 tailor made jacket
must of been his granddad’s and worth quite a packet
ginger in colour, texture and style
armpit sweat, he’s been wearing it for a while
the value is there for all to see
but the strawberry blonde hair is a no, no for me‘gorgeous’
Triptych here from New-market
wearing a £30 New-carpet‘gorgeous’
but the winner is absolutely ‘gorgeous’
Cormack, the best of the lot
I took an hour to get this hat on
before he took this shot
Billion
Love it. hate it, better or worse
Lump it, dump it, it’s could never be worse.
Thommo’ Fat Al, Posh Bird and Big Mac
All pure gold, I wish you were back
SteveCaution
Horsted Keynes looked a bit of a banker.
But the ride couldn’t be any ranker.
Many Horses to pass.
Jockey’s head up his ass.
Oi, Spencer you useless damn w…..Ghost of Rob V
It began when Clare Balding entered the pub
and knocked over John Francome’s beer
“Hey, mind where you’re going you butch old moo …
with your bungling beefy rear”Miss Balding was having none of it
and instantly seen red.
“Oh comb your hair you skanky man”
and slapped Mr Francome’s head.John shot up in a state of rage
and seized an empty bottle.
Clare was fast and grabbed his throat
and attempted a full-on throttle.Nick Luck quickly intervened
and tried to calm things down.
But Thommo wanted to see the fight
and became the commentary clown…“Clare moves well and looms up alongside.
She’s going to strangle him! … or will she?
Francome is pumping away but still upsides.
He’s swinging the bottle! … or is he?”Crisps and peanuts littered the floor.
Customers fled like cattle
as John and Clare wrestled like mad
in the heat of deadly battle.Francome’s bottle flew from nowhere.
Cunningham was quick to duck.
Jim McGrath, with eyes wide shut,
was the bugger who got struck.Clare trapped John in a headlock
and yanked out tufts of hair.
“I’ll strip your scalp till the cows come home
until your head is sore and bare!”Twisting ‘n’ grappling. Moaning ‘n’ groaning.
Francome wriggled free.
He staggered across to Emma Spencer
who smiled with horny glee.“Help me Princess Emma.
How do I beat Clare? …
She wasted my pint of bitter
and now she’s wrecked my hair!”Emma gave a crafty grin …
“Take my silk stocking and add this wilja spud.
Turn them into a sling
and see Miss Balding go thud”Francome rushed his makeshift sling
and spun it with all his might.
He then released it suddenly
and watched it take fast flight.As Clare aggressively stomped forward
like a buffalo about to give chase,
the potatoe bounced off her temple…
a pseudo coup de grace.Creaking. Swaying. Wilting.
Miss Balding dropped on her bum
like a quivering, spaced-out drunkard
who swilled too much red rum.Thommo finished his commentary…
“Francome is back on the mend.
Francome is buying another pint … or is he?
Wins nicely in the end”Mr Pilsen
I prefer jumps to flat
how about that?
Cormack prefers flat to jumps
along with many other chumps
This is my short notice effort
and will definitely be betteredBlackbeard to conquer the World
I just needed anther hour or so to come up with a winner, but would you give me it- No! I’ve seen a change in you young(ish) Nathan lately and it’s ever since you met Cormack and been made up to a mod on the competition forum.
It’s true what they say, power changes people
An hour, bloody ell, you’ve only had since the beginning of June.
Start up now for next year mate……
As for having power. I’m as weak as a three legged kitten who’s had the milk bowl kicked over by the dozy owner.
Blackbeard to conquer the World
Nathan , yours was clearly the best
well done chap
well Aronez and others as well for trying
good game
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