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THE SQUIRREL AND THE GRASSHOPPER

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  • #4390
    dave jay
    Member
    • Total Posts 3386

    REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:

    The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and  improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.<br> The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the  summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.<br> The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.<br> THE END

    <br> THE U.K. VERSION:

    The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his  house and laying up supplies for the winter.<br> The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool, and laughs and dances and plays  the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.<br> A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference  and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well  fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.<br> The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper;  with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a  table laden with food. The British press inform people that they  should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor  grasshopper is allowed to suffer so,while others have plenty.<br> The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper  Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel’s house.<br> The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with  breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome".<br> Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel  got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike  on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the  charge for squirrels to enter inner London . In response to  pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity  and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning  of the summer.<br> The squirrel’s taxes are reassessed.<br> He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders  for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for  contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.

    The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to  furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can  be socially mobile.<br> The squirrel’s food is seized and re distributed to the more needy  members of society, in this case the grasshopper.<br> Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed  retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building  a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it  as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to  Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice.<br> On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain ‘s  apparent love of dogs.<br> The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking  and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed  them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody.<br> Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned  because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats  devise and start a scam to obtain money from people’s credit cards.

    A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the  squirrel’s food, though spring is still months away, while the council house  he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn’t bothered to  maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate  government funding is blamed for the grasshopper’s drug ‘illness’.<br> The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment  since arrival in UK . The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an  old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but  released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks.<br> He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and  supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a  botched robbery.<br> A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and  state the obvious, is set up.<br> Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme  for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers  is increased. The asylum-seeking cats are praised by the government  for enriching Britain’s multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the  government for failing to befriend the cats. The grasshopper dies  of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the  obvious failure of government to address the root causes of  despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison.

    They call for the resignation of a minister.<br> The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were infringed  when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the  United Kingdom . The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the  hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an  additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their  taxes are increased to pay for law and order and they are told that  they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.<br> The squirrel? He moved to Spain …

    THE END<br>

    #104504
    rory
    Participant
    • Total Posts 2685

    That’s the stuff Grassy ~ don’t let the b*****d
    s grind you down.

    #104505
    Factorman
    Participant
    • Total Posts 390

    Davejay

    You believe in GOD, you must surely know the nature of man that will corruct any system.

    #104506
    dave jay
    Member
    • Total Posts 3386

    I’ve no time for smoking grasshoppers.  

    .. nature of man! A question on its own perhaps ?

    #104507
    Andrew Hughes
    Member
    • Total Posts 1904

    With some editing and a decent ending, that could almost have been funny, Dave

    #104508
    Andrew Hughes
    Member
    • Total Posts 1904

    Just noticed, it was from your inbox, so I withdraw me sarcasm

    #104509
    Andrew Hughes
    Member
    • Total Posts 1904

    Wouldn’t the Christian version of this tale involve the squirrel sharing his food and shelter with the grasshopper? Long time since I looked at a Bible, but I don’t recall anything about Jesus refusing to share his loaves and fishes on the grounds that his audience should have thought ahead and packed a lunch.

    #104510
    Andrew Hughes
    Member
    • Total Posts 1904

    Or am I taking it too seriously

    #104511
    dave jay
    Member
    • Total Posts 3386

    Zut Alors Aranalde, you’ll be complaining and trying to get a claim in next .. just like a cat .. :biggrin:

    #104512
    Andrew Hughes
    Member
    • Total Posts 1904

    I hate cats. No, I’ll rephrase that. I hate cat owners. I hate amusing cat photographs, cat calendars, mugs with cats on and people who can’t be arsed to fit bells to their mangy flea-ridden moggies who then proceed to slaughter every song bird within a ten mile radius.

    Grrrr…. (and that was a canine, not a feline growl)

    Lot of time for squirrels though. Salt of the earth. Gawd bless ’em

    #104513
    Meshaheer
    Member
    • Total Posts 486

    I found it quite amusing :biggrin:

    #104514
    lollys mate
    Member
    • Total Posts 625

    "Bronze swimming badge 1984"!

     Back stroke was it ?

    #104515
    davidbrady
    Member
    • Total Posts 3901

    Quote: from lollys mate on 8:12 pm on Feb. 5, 2007[br] "Bronze swimming badge 1984"!

     Back stroke was it ?

    Breast stroke!

    #104516
    insomniac
    Participant
    • Total Posts 1453

    Can’t help noticing from some of your recent posts Dave that you’re getting just a little p*****d off with the state of the country.<br>

    #104517
    lollys mate
    Member
    • Total Posts 625

    Can you blame him insomniac?

    <br> Tell me what we have to look forward too please.

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