Hoover "cleaned up" awful pun from Lingfield

[phil walker]

I popped into my betting shop this afternoon and heard Mike Cattermole give an awful pun to a race won by a horse called Hoover at Lingfield "Hoover – he cleaned up" groan.

[CrustyPatch]

I popped into my betting shop this afternoon and heard Mike Cattermole give an awful pun to a race won by a horse called Hoover at Lingfield "Hoover – he cleaned up" groan.

Sounds like it has come from page 93 of the Stewart Machin Book of Corny Puns (abridged version, with a foreword by Graham Goode).

Any other groan-worthy contributions from the archives welcome (apart from GG’s classic "…and I swear it’s Oath…"

[stevecaution]

I remember a horse simply called Egg, around about twenty years ago and the comment made was that it was hoping to poach an early lead in order that it might scramble home. As I recall it cracked in the cup races.

I also heard the mid 1980’s handicapper Fish and Chips mentioned as ‘The Paper Favourite’ and a candidate for plate races.

Thanks for the good crack. Time for me to move on. Be lucky.

[robnorth]

In one of my meeting reports a few years back I did manage to have Named At Dinner ‘cooked by the home turn’ at Musselburgh. It must have been ‘subliminal punning’ because it wasn’t intended!

Rob

[% MAN]

In one recent report I had Dormouse "put to sleep early on before squeaking home"

…. and I had great fun when Shades Of Grey won at Newbury in July, especially as she is trained by Clive Cox and Robert Tart was also riding in the race. The report definitely had mention of a "thrilling climax" and being "given a good ride" from her jockey.

My all time favourite though was courtesy of Lee McKenzie back in May 1993 when (the original, not the more recent copycat) Buddy Holly won a hurdle at Newton Abbot. The commentary went:-

"as Buddy Holly clears the last clear his backers ask the question will he be beaten …… that’ll be the day." There was a massive groan from the crowd.

[eddie case]

I hear Catt was up all night thinking of that one but it’s hard to see what’s the point of them or what they add to a commentary, in fact they detract from one for me.
If I see pictures of old races such as the November Handicap (Art Scholar)or Chester Cup (McCains Chips)and Stewart Machin is commentating I just dread the dreadful pun at the end of the race.

I don’t recall Peter O’Sullevan finding it neccesary to resort to them much throughout his illustrious career. Could you imagine some of the big races from the past and O’Sullevan had put a cheap pun on the end of them?

[% MAN]

I can see where you are coming from Eddie but my personal view is life is too short to take everything seriously all the time, so why not have a bit of a laugh or joke sometimes?

There’s enough depressing things going on around the world so a little light relief helps things along sometimes?

I’m not advocating puns and quips in every race but occasionally I don’t see a problem – also in the right race.

Before this years Derby we were discussing possible puns and quite a few clever ones were bandied about for Camelot, Bonfire and Astrology but as Richard Hoiles sensibly pointed out, big races like The Derby are ones where you "have to play it straight" and avoid the puns.

Even Richard is not averse to having some fun in his commentaries – there was a particularly dire evening meeting at Epsom back in July 2009, at which an Abba tribute band was playing after racing.

It was jokingly suggested Richard should try and include an Abba song in one of the commentaries. Mid-meeting there was a 1m 2f, four runner contest – Richard managed to include six Abba songs in the commentary, including Fernando, which took some doing. (to hear the commentary do a horse search on Fairmile and watch his race on 9th July 2009)

[eddie case]

I’ll give you that Paul, the occasional one’s fine to lift the depression but it’s becoming the "norm" with Stew even in big races, shame really because he’s a decent commentator otherwise.

Interesting to here Richard’s views on not doing it in big races, pity he didn’t take his own advice in the 2006 National
Maybe he realised it shouldn’t be done after that.

[% MAN]

Interesting to here Richard’s views on not doing it in big races, pity he didn’t take his own advice in the 2006 National
Maybe he realised it shouldn’t be done after that.

But the National is only a stayers handicap

[Tuffers]

Obviously my favourite is "they won’t get Carter" but an honourable second is "and Warren Marston comes to the last on Fortytwo Dee with a double handful"

[Gingertipster]

I don’t mind commentary puns at all, as long as it’s not in every race. One commentator once told me he often gets dared to say things relevent to a name and can’t help obliging.

The one thing I can’t stand commentators saying "doing it the hard way" out in front. Because it’s often the exact opposite…

And please, don’t make up your own puns on that one.

Value Is Everything

[% MAN]

….. an honourable second is "and Warren Marston comes to the last on Fortytwo Dee with a double handful"

A GG classic there.

Which reminds me of another recent race report of mine where Buxom tried to run out at the last two flights at Towcester, managing to throw the race away in the process – I just could not resist reporting "two big boobs cost Buxom the race."

[tbracing]

Apologies to take it off racing but one of the best commentator puns of all time has to be football commentator Jonathan Pearce when Danny Granville scored against Liverpool.

‘Granville!! And the Liverpool defence were Open All Hours’

[Steeplechasing]

The old Extel boys used to love them. In the ’70s a jumper called Slippery Dick was described as ‘this in-and-out performer’

[stilvi]

I don’t mind a little spontaneity or fun but most of these are just commentators trying very hard to be clever and should be filed under cringeworthy.

[stevecaution]

"as Buddy Holly clears the last clear his backers ask the question will he be beaten …… that’ll be the day." There was a massive groan from the crowd.

Buddy Holly was prominent throughout the race until disappearing after the final flight

Thanks for the good crack. Time for me to move on. Be lucky.

[% MAN]

"as Buddy Holly clears the last clear his backers ask the question will he be beaten …… that’ll be the day." There was a massive groan from the crowd.

Buddy Holly was prominent throughout the race until disappearing after the final flight

Brilliant

Sure you’re not Stewart in disguise?

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