November 14, 2011 at 16:25 #20235Bachelors HallParticipant
- Total Posts 1463
You probably wont remember me but earlier this year, I started to post on this forum. I like to think that I made a decent start, first by ensuring that Mossey Joe didn’t run in the RSA chase and I followed that up with a cosy victory in the Royal Ascot sires competition.
Unfortunately, one day I had the temerity to form an opinion and then express it. To my dismay, I was hounded off this forum under the bizarre pretense that I am a xenophobe. Whilst I want to trust the opinion of people who’ve never met me, I also want to trust the opinion of my Bosnian girlfriend who assures me that I’m not a xenophobe.
Anyways, the confusion which ensued left me feeling alone and vulnerable to the extent that I could barely bring myself to enjoy myself in a gentlemanly way, let alone post on a racing forum. But then one lonesome night, I was inspired to write a poem which over the past few months has helped me come to terms with myself. Now I know the rhyming scheme was left at the start and the iambic pentameter never even made it to the racetrack but that never stopped Bob Dylan so here goes.
Sometimes, when I’m alone, I sit on my hand for three minutes before I masturbate it so it feels like it’s someone else’s hand pleasuring me.
Sometimes, when I’m alone, I sit on my hand for three minutes to shake it with the other so it feels like I’m shaking hands with someone else.
Sometimes, when I’m alone, I sit on my face three minutes so it feels like I’m talking to other people.
Sometimes, when I’m alone, I practice yoga so that one day I can sit on my ears and have it feel like I’m listening to other people.
Sometimes, when I’m alone, I read about people’s lives on the internet. So I sit on my phone for three minutes before I send texts to myself so it feels like I have contacts.
But when I realise I’m all alone, crying in my bed. I’ll sit on both my arms for three minutes and hug myself so it feels like someone else is comforting me.
So from now on, when I post on this forum, I will sit on my laptop for three minutes so it feels like it’s someone else who’s actually listening to me.
Now I’ve just bared my soul there so I hope you enjoyed it.
As for the prize Cormack sent me, I did receive it and as promised, here’s a picture.
Thank you all for reading
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