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Aerial reconnaissance over the sandpit of shame with heat-seeking equipment has revelaed around a dozen bodies, around 12′ tall, in the Kempton grandstand during recent meetings there.
These can’t be punters, because none go to Kempton, so who are they? My money is on a top-secret cabal of shapeshifting aliens who control everything that goes on in racing these days.
These top-secret meetings of alien lizards are clearly held around a smoke-filled table in the centre of the Kempton grandstand (right next to the bar selling excorbetantly priced Fosters) in order to preserve their evil plans from the general public.
My moles inform me that this body, sometimes referred to as the trilateral commission, has been testing out their alien technology on the all-weather tracks.
They have in their possession a ‘dimensional ripper’ that displaces the weight of money placed on a horse in the cartel’s shops onto the actual horse itself, in order to slow it down. A prototype of this sort has recently been tested out at Wolverhampton. The plan was to place the weight on the horses’ backs, but a malfunctioning resulted in the weight directly going onto the horses’ legs, resulting in a succession of jollies breaking down.
They have apparently sorted out these teething problems and are now, spurred on by the occasional fav actually making the frame there recently. planning to go ‘live’ at Kempton.
Today was the day that the ‘dimensional ripper’ was installed under the course, hence no racing.
You have been warned!
(Edited by Glenn at 2:03 am on Dec. 18, 2006)