Queen of the South – up north
Queens Park _ there used to be a Queen’s Gardens in Croydon, but they didn’t play there
St Mirren – in Helen’s garden
St Johnstone – in Jimmy’s garden
East Fife – somewhere east of West Fife
Hibernian – okay, they’re Edinburgh
Heart of Midlothian – so are they
Cove Rangers – in a cove somewhere
Spartans – don’t know where they play, but Gerard Butler is their captain
